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  • #31
    Originally posted by NYMommy View Post
    My birth mother also refuses to tell me who my father is. She told me he was Italian and denied everything and said that she won't talk about it. She's a stubborn as a mule and I know she never will. I don't know if it's because he hurt her or some other reason, but I'm out of luck. Thats why I'm on here doing Family Finder and not one Italian name showing up. LOL
    Many are in the same boat and its just selfish and unfair to the child they brought into this world. You deserve the truth regardless of what it is. If people aren't prepared to deal with the consequence of creating a human being than they should refrain from creating them. These people don't think the child will grow up one day and want to know who they are. They go through life feeling lost

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    • #32
      Originally posted by AllenUnknown View Post
      "The greatest lies are often clothed in silence". Ain't that the truth. Although society has changed how it views unwed mothers, the shame and guilt from 50 or 60 years ago does not go away. There are 2 things one did not want to be in America in the 1950's, a communist or an unwed mother. My mother is still alive, but she will not and, I believe NEVER talk about it with me. So I have backed off. Hopefully one day, some close matches will appear on here or some other dna site. I think it is being lied to that hurts the most.
      The sigma of unwed mother hasn't gone away. If you get involved in adoption activism you will find out how many Churches out there are still trying to convince unwed mothers to give up their children for adoption because they feel unwed mothers are sinners.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Yaffa View Post
        The sigma of unwed mother hasn't gone away. If you get involved in adoption activism you will find out how many Churches out there are still trying to convince unwed mothers to give up their children for adoption because they feel unwed mothers are sinners.
        And the ones who don't call them sinners outright praise them for selflessly choosing life by not aborting, and then go on to convince them that wanting "what's best for the child" means giving the baby to more deserving parents.

        What mother wouldn't want what's best for her child?

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        • #34
          Originally posted by GayeSherman View Post
          And the ones who don't call them sinners outright praise them for selflessly choosing life by not aborting, and then go on to convince them that wanting "what's best for the child" means giving the baby to more deserving parents.

          What mother wouldn't want what's best for her child?
          Exactly. Any tactic they can use to convince a mother a child is more deserving of better parents than the single birth mother herself. Its never about trying to help that mother and child stay together.

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          • #35
            Thought I would chime in here, in support. I was adopted however I have found my birth families etc; so I count myself lucky. My husband is another story.

            He was never meant to find out and only did so well into adulthood while drinking with a family friend who let it slip. He father told him one story, his grandfather another. According to the family he was adopted from the Rapid City Catholic Diocese in 1964- so he inquired from the local priest here in Lead SD. They went through everything up here, everything and then inquired from the Diocese etc - guess what, the Church has no record.

            My husband only has one relative left from his adoptive family, everyone else has passed on and not a single one ever shared the truth....

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            • #36
              Suggestion 1 - test with 23andMe - database about 10x as large and increased odds of finding someone more recently related. When ancestry.com test becomes available commercially, consider testing with them as well.

              Suggestion 2 - test your mom if she can be tested. This will more clearly delinate paternal vs maternal matches. If she's not available, you half siblings, maternal aunt, etc could also be helpful, but will take more than one (unless she had a twin) to account for all of your mother's DNA.

              Suggestion 3 - Get Y STRs tested out to at least Y37 or Y67 if possible. If no close matches at Y67, may want to consider Y111, but not likely to find a match with the additional markers. Utilize ysearch and manual input for ancestry.com and SMGF to find other potential close matches. If a specific surname or two are suggested, then check for detail results in FTDNA surname projects for other matches who may not be compared to entire database. If Y DNA is "scandanavian", then also good chance you may not find a close match due to representation of the database and also possible you may not find a surname match if he descendended from a fairly recent immigrant and came from family where patrilineal surnames were not implemented until fairly recently. If so, just wait and maybe something will eventually pop up.

              Does your mother (if living), aunt, or other relatives or friends of your mother have any possible insight with regard to circumstances or candidates? Depending on time frame and age, an old co-worker or classmate might know something that might help.

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              • #37
                This is a dirty little secret telling me to test with another company.
                My family and I have our DNA on FTDNA ONLY.
                Don't like it? Go to the other sites.
                The Gall of some people.

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                • #38
                  Seriously?

                  It's called a public service message to help the person who posted this thread find what there looking for?

                  If you're of the opinion that some sort of dillusional brand loyalty should preclude the use of other tools, your advice lacks wisdom.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Yaffa View Post
                    If people aren't prepared to deal with the consequence of creating a human being than they should refrain from creating them. These people don't think the child will grow up one day and want to know who they are. They go through life feeling lost
                    Some girls/woman did not choose to create a child, they were raped and in some cases it was incest. Very hard to talk about, very hard to judge someone who has lived that horror as well. My heart goes out to all involved, adoptive family, adoptee and birth parents. So many lives affected.
                    Last edited by Cats; 13 November 2011, 03:56 PM.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Geneadict View Post
                      Seriously?

                      It's called a public service message to help the person who posted this thread find what there looking for?

                      If you're of the opinion that some sort of dillusional brand loyalty should preclude the use of other tools, your advice lacks wisdom.
                      This is just standard procedure from Darroll, who has appointed himself as the defender of FTDNA against all competitors. As has been pointed out to him before, if FTDNA had any qualms about letting their customers speak freely about competitors on this board, they would delete all posts mentioning competitors. The fact that they don't indicates that they are willing to let their customers judge for themselves.

                      Your advice to RondaMiller was not out of line and actually quite helpful.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by MMaddi View Post
                        This is just standard procedure from Darroll, who has appointed himself as the defender of FTDNA against all competitors. As has been pointed out to him before, if FTDNA had any qualms about letting their customers speak freely about competitors on this board, they would delete all posts mentioning competitors. The fact that they don't indicates that they are willing to let their customers judge for themselves.

                        Your advice to RondaMiller was not out of line and actually quite helpful.
                        It was helpful I thought however I don't think it was meant for me lol.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by MMaddi View Post
                          This is just standard procedure from Darroll, who has appointed himself as the defender of FTDNA against all competitors. As has been pointed out to him before, if FTDNA had any qualms about letting their customers speak freely about competitors on this board, they would delete all posts mentioning competitors. The fact that they don't indicates that they are willing to let their customers judge for themselves.

                          Your advice to RondaMiller was not out of line and actually quite helpful.
                          I log on this site seeing what's going on with FTDNA.
                          It looks like I have to put up with the suspected copy cat sites
                          free advertising.
                          When DNA testing goes south like genealogy has gone please let me know so I can play hop scotch.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Cats View Post
                            Some girls/woman did not choose to create a child, they were raped and in some cases it was incest. Very hard to talk about, very hard to judge someone who has lived that horror as well. My heart goes out to all involved, adoptive family, adoptee and birth parents. So many lives affected.
                            Even If a child came into this world through rape or incest, That child has a right to know the truth of how they came into this world or dont bring the child into this world if that woman/mother is not prepared to deal with the consequence. Child's rights come first. Im sorry if a woman is in pain from being a rape or incest victim but she also puts that pain on the child for the rest of their lives if she decides to bring that child into this world. The wost thing a parent can do to their child is Lie. If a child cant trust their own parents, who can they trust. I dont care how a child came into this world but that mother who gave birth to that child owes that child the truth.

                            I know many adoptees searching and many have Family Finder tested. Many may die never knowing the truth about where they came from and then search continues through their children and so on. Its not fair to them to have their identity's stolen through adoption and secrets.

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                            • #44
                              Rape and incest are a lot to dump on a kid I don't see that being the easiest thing to tell a child maybe when they are older because like you said we all should have the right to know where we come from. Not a easy thing to do when you have been raped.

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by darroll View Post
                                I log on this site seeing what's going on with FTDNA.
                                It looks like I have to put up with the suspected copy cat sites
                                free advertising.
                                When DNA testing goes south like genealogy has gone please let me know so I can play hop scotch.
                                Let's see, this portion of the forum is called "DNA Success Stories" and sorry to say there are more tools available than those offered here that may be of use to people.

                                Not sure where you're coming from with regard to your comment about "genealogy going south" given the advancement in information availability via the internet and advent of genetic genealogy. Granted I share some sentiment for the lost art of research prior to the internet, but there is still plenty of research that still takes additional skill beyond one's ability to search ancestry.com or familysearch.com, but I'll take the sheer volume of information and speed to access it, which can also free up more time for more complex research, than going back to driving several hours to a research library, national archives regional office, or LDS family history center, and spending hours using microfilm soundex to locate federal census or passenger list entries, or using a city directory and ED maps to locate someone in a state census. Things will only get better when all the LDS microfilms are digitized, indexed, and available online.

                                Meanwhile, many brick walls have been taken down and NPEs that were previously lost to time have been uncovered and continue to be solved regularly through the use of multiple genetic genealogy and convention genealogy tools that would simply not have been possible 20 years ago.

                                What you're seeing is in fact a renaissance or age of enlightenment for genealogy and it's only going to get better with larger DNA and relational databases, and research compilations that may enable almost anyone near instant access to a very detailed and well researched genealogy with just a simple DNA test and a very small amount of research effort.

                                Now if this were a section of the forum or even a thread on the subject of narrow minded cheerleading for FTDNA and people with very little interest in creating there own DNA Success story, then your comments would be more appropriate.

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