I am really having to ratchet back my expectations. First, the joy as an adoptee of finding real blood relatives for the first time in my life.
Then, I realize that for people who were not adopted, and who have lived all their lives knowing who their relatives are do not necessarily get excited to learn they have a new "cousin".
They usually already have cousins they do not know, or who they have not spoken to in years.
Their real interest in genealogy is to locate the most distant ancestor they can, not to locate living relations.
So I really have to wonder, what should I expect from this? What if I never learn more than there are some people out there who are my cousins? I suppose I can go to family reunions hang out with them maybe form some manner of friendship, but it is like I am just going to be a shadowy figure on the fringe of the "family" if you can really call a loose collection of cousins a family, just like I am a shadowy figure on the fringe of my adoptive family.
And what does it mean to my own children? Maybe they will tolerate their father's interests, and one day when they are much older they will dig out the family tree I have worked so hard to unbury, some sad thing with dotted lines to show suspected relationships, relations marked by genetic distance instead of familiar terms such as uncle, grandfather, cousin, etc. But it seems almost cruel to tell my children they have another family, to take away the "blood" relations they have always known, without offering them a new set of recognizable relatives. On the other hand, my kids have always been the lesser grandkids, I can't imagine they have not noticed the difference in treatment, so maybe it will be a relief to know the reason for the difference in treatment.
I am just wondering what other adoptess expect from this process, if they are unable to identify their exact location in their birth family?
Then, I realize that for people who were not adopted, and who have lived all their lives knowing who their relatives are do not necessarily get excited to learn they have a new "cousin".
They usually already have cousins they do not know, or who they have not spoken to in years.
Their real interest in genealogy is to locate the most distant ancestor they can, not to locate living relations.
So I really have to wonder, what should I expect from this? What if I never learn more than there are some people out there who are my cousins? I suppose I can go to family reunions hang out with them maybe form some manner of friendship, but it is like I am just going to be a shadowy figure on the fringe of the "family" if you can really call a loose collection of cousins a family, just like I am a shadowy figure on the fringe of my adoptive family.
And what does it mean to my own children? Maybe they will tolerate their father's interests, and one day when they are much older they will dig out the family tree I have worked so hard to unbury, some sad thing with dotted lines to show suspected relationships, relations marked by genetic distance instead of familiar terms such as uncle, grandfather, cousin, etc. But it seems almost cruel to tell my children they have another family, to take away the "blood" relations they have always known, without offering them a new set of recognizable relatives. On the other hand, my kids have always been the lesser grandkids, I can't imagine they have not noticed the difference in treatment, so maybe it will be a relief to know the reason for the difference in treatment.
I am just wondering what other adoptess expect from this process, if they are unable to identify their exact location in their birth family?
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