Adoption Secrets Busted

[JamesKelley]

My wife was adopted, but if you asked her adoptive family you would only find denials. The evidence for adoption was strong, but without any help or admission, finding the truth was slim to none.

Then, we tried Family Finder.

Over the weekend, after spending a lot of time researching the matches family trees, I think we found her birth family.

Two of the 3rd cousin matches had the same last name, but there was no response. Doing a lot of Google and Ancestry.com work, I figured out that those two matches were mother and son. That made things a little easier! I followed their trees up a few generations and then back down to find people who could have given birth to my wife.

That process was a little difficult, since most sites list living people as "Living So-and-So." But I was able to find the names of some of the previous generation in an obituary, which kindly listed the names of children and grand-children.

Enter Facebook: I looked for the names on Facebook and sent messages to each of the people. That actually resulting the a temp block on sending messages, since Facebook doesn't take too kindly to any form of mass mailing. The messages asked if anyone in their family, cousins included, could have given a child for adoption when my wife was born.

Much to my astonishment, someone replied, "Are you serious?" He asked me for more information to make sure I wasn't pulling his leg. Next thing you know, it seems we have finally broken through the blockade of lies and found 1st cousins, and three brothers who have been looking for their long lost sister.

[gtc]

Extraordinary piece of detective work there. Congratulations and well done!

[nolnacsj]

My wife was adopted, but if you asked her adoptive family you would only find denials. The evidence for adoption was strong, but without any help or admission, finding the truth was slim to none.

Then, we tried Family Finder.

Over the weekend, after spending a lot of time researching the matches family trees, I think we found her birth family.

Two of the 3rd cousin matches had the same last name, but there was no response. Doing a lot of Google and Ancestry.com work, I figured out that those two matches were mother and son. That made things a little easier! I followed their trees up a few generations and then back down to find people who could have given birth to my wife.

That process was a little difficult, since most sites list living people as "Living So-and-So." But I was able to find the names of some of the previous generation in an obituary, which kindly listed the names of children and grand-children.

Enter Facebook: I looked for the names on Facebook and sent messages to each of the people. That actually resulting the a temp block on sending messages, since Facebook doesn't take too kindly to any form of mass mailing. The messages asked if anyone in their family, cousins included, could have given a child for adoption when my wife was born.

Much to my astonishment, someone replied, "Are you serious?" He asked me for more information to make sure I wasn't pulling his leg. Next thing you know, it seems we have finally broken through the blockade of lies and found 1st cousins, and three brothers who have been looking for their long lost sister.

James, this is the sort of story I dream about happening to me and other adoptees searching! WOW!

Amazing that your wife had two 3rd cousins pop up. If that happened to me, I would do the same thing you did as I am very familiar with the search tools that are available. However, so far the closest FF match I have had has been two 4th cousin matches, and they are both female, and they are not related to eachother.

Another adoptee who was tested with 23andMe Relative Finder, had a 1/2 sibling show up. However, you do not hear about a lot of adoptees having recent FF or RF matches, so every time I do see one, it gives me hope.

Thank you for sharing your wife's story, and congratulations! I wish you all the best with the new chapter of your family story.

Judy
10-01-1956 Binghamton, NY
F Adoptee
Birth Surname "Jones" (possible alias)

[dwight]

That's an amazing story, James. Thanks for sharing. And congratulations on the dogged research!

My wife was adopted, but if you asked her adoptive family you would only find denials. The evidence for adoption was strong, but without any help or admission, finding the truth was slim to none.

Then, we tried Family Finder.

Over the weekend, after spending a lot of time researching the matches family trees, I think we found her birth family.

Two of the 3rd cousin matches had the same last name, but there was no response. Doing a lot of Google and Ancestry.com work, I figured out that those two matches were mother and son. That made things a little easier! I followed their trees up a few generations and then back down to find people who could have given birth to my wife.

That process was a little difficult, since most sites list living people as "Living So-and-So." But I was able to find the names of some of the previous generation in an obituary, which kindly listed the names of children and grand-children.

Enter Facebook: I looked for the names on Facebook and sent messages to each of the people. That actually resulting the a temp block on sending messages, since Facebook doesn't take too kindly to any form of mass mailing. The messages asked if anyone in their family, cousins included, could have given a child for adoption when my wife was born.

Much to my astonishment, someone replied, "Are you serious?" He asked me for more information to make sure I wasn't pulling his leg. Next thing you know, it seems we have finally broken through the blockade of lies and found 1st cousins, and three brothers who have been looking for their long lost sister.

[GayeSherman]

It's so good to see DNA being added as one more tool in the searching adoptee's bag of tricks.

It's the one thing that cannot be sealed, lost, redacted, denied, destroyed, vetoed or obfuscated. You don't need a court order, a social worker or even your parents' permission.

Congratulations!

Are you (and/or your wife) working with any search angels? It sounds like she didn't even bother to (or couldn't) get any information from her state of birth.

Please consider posting the story on one of the Adoptee Rights sites or FaceBook pages. I can suggest a few.

It's all about the database. The bigger the database, the more likely to find clues and ultimately, the truth.

My adoptive parents also denied that I was adopted. I never told them I was searching. They had both passed away by the time I found my first mother. I'm doing Family Finder to confirm (or not) a certain person as my birth father. He's been dead over 25 years so there's no hurry.

Gaye

[Kasandra]

My wife was adopted, but if you asked her adoptive family you would only find denials. The evidence for adoption was strong, but without any help or admission, finding the truth was slim to none.

Then, we tried Family Finder.

Over the weekend, after spending a lot of time researching the matches family trees, I think we found her birth family.

Two of the 3rd cousin matches had the same last name, but there was no response. Doing a lot of Google and Ancestry.com work, I figured out that those two matches were mother and son. That made things a little easier! I followed their trees up a few generations and then back down to find people who could have given birth to my wife.

That process was a little difficult, since most sites list living people as "Living So-and-So." But I was able to find the names of some of the previous generation in an obituary, which kindly listed the names of children and grand-children.

Enter Facebook: I looked for the names on Facebook and sent messages to each of the people. That actually resulting the a temp block on sending messages, since Facebook doesn't take too kindly to any form of mass mailing. The messages asked if anyone in their family, cousins included, could have given a child for adoption when my wife was born.

Much to my astonishment, someone replied, "Are you serious?" He asked me for more information to make sure I wasn't pulling his leg. Next thing you know, it seems we have finally broken through the blockade of lies and found 1st cousins, and three brothers who have been looking for their long lost sister.

I am SO happy for you both and you give me great hope. With my non-ID information I believe that I can dig and find the answers I need but I'm hoping the DNA makes the journey easier. With 3 certain half siblings plus at least 3 maternal cousins there has to be a trail..

Congrats! WOOHOOO!