No FGS Matches

[nolnacsj]

What I thought was "cruel" was referring to him as a "nut".

Yes, his parents should be the ones to tell him, but if they won't then if he asks, I would give him the genealogy info and let him connect the dots. The news may be shocking at first, but at least he can get his head around it and process the information and in time, work through it.

It won't be any easier as he gets older as the longer the secrecy is perpetuated, the more damaging the truth is when it does come out. Many LDA (Late Discovery Adoptees) don't find out that they are adopted until their adoptive parents die and they find the paperwork. This is very shocking and worse because they are not be able to talk it over with their adoptive parents and work through it, or have the opportunity to learn what the reasons were for the secrecy.

I am relieved to know that you will help him under the right circumstances. I will not drop the subject.

Happy Holidays,

Judy

Oh my, just saw the typo, that was supposed to read I will NOW drop the subject...sorry Darren!

Darrel, if I can be of any help, you are welcome to contact me off the forum:
[email protected]

[Darren]

Hello all,


Can we please return this thread back to the original topic of the Full Sequence matches. It has wandered way off course.

-Darren Marin
Family Tree DNA

[darroll]

Judy,
You are stubborn..

I went back thru 1500 pages of e-mails.
This n-guy took their baby and moved to Quebec.
The baby's mother is now deceased and I don't think she knew that the baby was in Canada.
This also caused a weekly battle between mother and daughter and while the family ignored the reason for fighting, I did not.
Are the same genes passed down thru their female line?
Is is both sexes?
They have contacted me in the past abour our family tree.

[nolnacsj]

Cruel,
Telling a man that his mother is not his mother is cruel?
That is up to his family to tell him, not me.
I warned relatives that things like this could happen before we tested.
MY tree is posted with the results. If he goes down the list of names he should figure it out.
I don't like giving people bad news (this news would be devastating).
If he wants to read these posts he can talk to his family first to get to the truth, then I would help him.

What I thought was "cruel" was referring to him as a "nut".

Yes, his parents should be the ones to tell him, but if they won't then if he asks, I would give him the genealogy info and let him connect the dots. The news may be shocking at first, but at least he can get his head around it and process the information and in time, work through it.

It won't be any easier as he gets older as the longer the secrecy is perpetuated, the more damaging the truth is when it does come out. Many LDA (Late Discovery Adoptees) don't find out that they are adopted until their adoptive parents die and they find the paperwork. This is very shocking and worse because they are not be able to talk it over with their adoptive parents and work through it, or have the opportunity to learn what the reasons were for the secrecy.

I am relieved to know that you will help him under the right circumstances. I will not drop the subject.

Happy Holidays,

Judy

[nolnacsj]

I really wanted to stay out of this discussion and I will only address Darroll not wanting to tell his cousin that he's adopted. I understand the desire not to be the bearer of bad news. But as an adoptee, I would say the man deserves to know if for no other reason than because of medical information. He has been giving doctors the wrong family history for years. This is not helpful and could lead to faulty diagnosis or even bad treatment decisions.

That said, I'm not going to harp on Darroll further.

Kasandra, I agree with the importance of knowing your medical history information. I just hope that when this man does find out the truth, (and he will because most adoptees who were not told always wondered why they looked different or felt like they didn't quite fit in), that someone will give him the name of one of the good adoptee/birth family search and reunion sites where he can get the emotional support that he needs. I would be happy to help him when the time comes.

OK, back to FGS matches. I have one and only one and have not had even one new HVR1 or HVR2 match in almost a year. I am not sure why. I was told I have an uncommon DNA signature, but you would think that I would have at least 1 new HVR1 match. I am not that concerned with having them at that level because it would be a indirect connection anyway. Even my FGS match did not come up as a "cousin" match when she tested with Family Finder, so our common maternal connection must have been too far back to be detected by FF. However, she and I do have one match in common on FF, a 5th-distant cousin.

Judy

[Kasandra]

I really wanted to stay out of this discussion and I will only address Darroll not wanting to tell his cousin that he's adopted. I understand the desire not to be the bearer of bad news. But as an adoptee, I would say the man deserves to know if for no other reason than because of medical information. He has been giving doctors the wrong family history for years. This is not helpful and could lead to faulty diagnosis or even bad treatment decisions.

That said, I'm not going to harp on Darroll further.

[darroll]

Well, I must say that you lost me there at the end.... If you are referring to my mentioning GEDmatch, then I don't believe I was being "uncouth" at all. This is a public forum where I assume people welcome the opportunity to learn new things, and GEDmatch is not a rival testing site, it is a really useful tool that another member created to assist people with identifying additional predicted relative matches using triangulation based on their Family Finder results.

Regarding the mention of other testing companies, again, there are people who are interested in the pro's and con's of using the different DNA tests. Which one is the better choice depends on where your primary interest lies. I have tested with both FTDNA and 23andMe, and always recommend that people do both FF and RF tests if they can, but if they can only choose one, FTDNA Family Finder is the better choice in my opinion, for ADOPTEES because of the better match response rate, and the availability of match names, surname lists, GEDCOMs, and email addresses. Having a whole ton of relative matches doesn't help at all if they do not answer sharing requests.

As for your adopted relative who may be in the dark about his birth situation and ancestry, I really hope he doesn't read the FTDNA forum because I will say this as politely as I can, your remarks are very cruel.

"Tis the season to be kind.

Happy Holidays,

Judy

Cruel,
Telling a man that his mother is not his mother is cruel?
That is up to his family to tell him, not me.
I warned relatives that things like this could happen before we tested.
MY tree is posted with the results. If he goes down the list of names he should figure it out.
I don't like giving people bad news (this news would be devastating).
If he wants to read these posts he can talk to his family first to get to the truth, then I would help him.

[darroll]

GEDMATCH is fine. Some match posted my information there and I don't care.

I have been on this website for many years. I have read posts where people play down FTDNA and plug another web site and testing facility.

Nobody will defend this bad behavior but me.

When I get on a web site I do not want to know of better web sites that serve the same purpose. That is like I get on Fords web site and look at a car, some screwball tells me to buy a Chevy or whatever. Their post would last a few minutes, but here they do not delete the posts and I find it offensive that people would advertise another web site.

This is dirty pool and I don't play that game.

If I insulted you, I'm sorry

Merry Christmas

[nolnacsj]

Not when you are dealing with some arrogant researcher.
I'll paraphrase it again:
How come your female side matches my MTDNA? (no Please, no thank you, like I did something)
I told him that I would look at the tree.
I got another e-mail from him stating that we would figure it out when he had time. It should give him a real challenge, Same hometown, born in the same hospital, rare surname, etc.
I know why and if I tell that nut, maybe I can have a pink coffin. I wouldn't tell him even if he was nice. This is starting to be like the caliber of people that do genealogy.
One more thing: If you advertise another testing facility on this website,
you won't have to pay. The webmaster is nice.
Talk about uncouth behavior.
Try that on my mens hangout and you will find yourself banned. This manner rant was free.

Well, I must say that you lost me there at the end.... If you are referring to my mentioning GEDmatch, then I don't believe I was being "uncouth" at all. This is a public forum where I assume people welcome the opportunity to learn new things, and GEDmatch is not a rival testing site, it is a really useful tool that another member created to assist people with identifying additional predicted relative matches using triangulation based on their Family Finder results.

Regarding the mention of other testing companies, again, there are people who are interested in the pro's and con's of using the different DNA tests. Which one is the better choice depends on where your primary interest lies. I have tested with both FTDNA and 23andMe, and always recommend that people do both FF and RF tests if they can, but if they can only choose one, FTDNA Family Finder is the better choice in my opinion, for ADOPTEES because of the better match response rate, and the availability of match names, surname lists, GEDCOMs, and email addresses. Having a whole ton of relative matches doesn't help at all if they do not answer sharing requests.

As for your adopted relative who may be in the dark about his birth situation and ancestry, I really hope he doesn't read the FTDNA forum because I will say this as politely as I can, your remarks are very cruel.

"Tis the season to be kind.

Happy Holidays,

Judy

[darroll]

When this is all over I can prove that I still have a soul.
I defend my friends and realize that it is hard for some people unless they are directed to do so.
I know we have the "If it Feels good, Do it, Crowd" to contend with.
Whats the matter?
That you have to drop names, are their business so bad that have to resort to free advertising.
I know one name that was mentioned is so bad they need to throw out their records and start again if they know how.

[rainbow]

To me 51 in Family Finder is few, compared to my 306 matches with 23andme. I'm gloating.

As of today it's 307.

[rainbow]

Thank you Judy (nolnacsj) and Rucksack.


To Darroll,
I paid for all of my DNA testing at each company (Genographic Project, Family Tree DNA DNAPrint, DNATribes, and 23andme. Dr. McDonald's BGA and the Eurogenes Project is free to everyone who has their raw data). I don't work in advertising or for any DNA company, so nothing was free for me.


Elizabeth (rainbow)


p.s. Happy Holidays to All!

[darroll]

To me 51 in Family Finder is few, compared to my 306 matches with 23andme. I'm gloating.

[rucksack]

DNA testing companies

darroll,

You keep beating that dead horse.

People talk about 23andMe, Ancestry.com, deCODEme, EthnoAncestry and a host of other companies.

Why?

Because the search is best by taking advantage of every avenue.

Family Tree DNA is also discussed on the message boards of those companies.

Please, it's time to bury the old dead horse.

[darroll]

I will join you on making that deal with Darroll! We all have the right to know where we came from.

Not when you are dealing with some arrogant researcher.
I'll paraphrase it again:
How come your female side matches my MTDNA? (no Please, no thank you, like I did something)
I told him that I would look at the tree.
I got another e-mail from him stating that we would figure it out when he had time. It should give him a real challenge, Same hometown, born in the same hospital, rare surname, etc.
I know why and if I tell that nut, maybe I can have a pink coffin. I wouldn't tell him even if he was nice. This is starting to be like the caliber of people that do genealogy.
One more thing: If you advertise another testing facility on this website,
you won't have to pay. The webmaster is nice.
Talk about uncouth behavior.
Try that on my mens hangout and you will find yourself banned. This manner rant was free.