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i took a dna test and was shocked at the results

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  • i took a dna test and was shocked at the results

    I'm 55 years old, 5 years ago i took a dna test and was surprised to find out that the man i thought was my father was not.

    let me give you a little background, my "father" is black and my mother is Japanese. even though i don't look black (i have friends that have black fathers and you can't really tell that they are part black) i really believed that i was half black/japanese.

    So i was really surprised when i found out that i am more chinese/tibetan than anything else. i had a conversation with my mom about this and she admits that she had an affair with a married man that owned a chinese restaurant back in philadelphia (1960) she told me this man had 2 kids (my brother and sister)

    i would really like to meet my "dad" and brother and sister, but i wouldn't know where to start

    btw: it's really weird thinking that i was a black man and finding i'm not

  • #2
    What a shock for you.

    But life seems to run in phases. This is a new one for you.

    At least your mother has come clean.

    You know, Chinese restaurants weren't that common in 1960, outside of the cities which had Chinatowns. So a street directory and other business records should narrow this down for you pretty quickly.

    Good luck in your search.

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    • #3
      DNAAdoption.com may help you

      They have tools and methods that work for everyone, but are targeted to help those who were adopted and don't have much or any information on their parents.

      They also have low cost classes to help you learn how; I think they have a series starting this month.

      You also should get your mom tested and some known cousins to help separate your matches into maternal and paternal matches. The tabs on FTDNA's matches page has tabs for this. Sometimes it happens automagically if the right people have tested with a close enough relationship to you. For me it has only found a few relatives to move into the tabs without me identifying matchs

      Getting your relatives to test will allow you to start identifying your maternal matches yourself more quickly. DNA matches with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd cousins will work. I'd also ask your mother to take the Family Finder test.

      There are also tools on GEDmatch that might be able to help you. I haven't used it yet.

      Best of luck!

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      • #4
        If in your search you come across these unknown relatives of yours, you should be careful. Maybe convince them to take a test first before explaining you might be related. Some people shut down pretty quickly so tread lightly.

        Once you have your mother tested, maybe also test at Ancestry, and see if you have any high matches that are not your mother. While unlikely, it is possible someone from that side of the family has tested or a close cousin of theirs.

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        • #5
          Do you also take Y-DNA test ?

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          • #6
            Are you saying for 55 years your mother led you to believe your father was black; and now she is saying your father was the Chinese restaurant owner? If so, did you ask her what her purpose was in misleading you for 55 years?

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            • #7
              Something similar happened in my DNA results but not to me but another man who tested and discovered that the father he had grown up with was not really his biological one. That man was my uncle who remained a bachelor all his life and we now believe he probably didn't know he had fathered a son.

              This man shows as a strong first cousin to me, a few of my other first cousins have tested and their numbers are similar to me. Both of his parents as well as my uncle are dead now but from what we can tell my uncle had a one night stand and 9 months later this cousin came into the world. Did his mother know? We have no idea.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by marietta View Post
                Are you saying for 55 years your mother led you to believe your father was black; and now she is saying your father was the Chinese restaurant owner? If so, did you ask her what her purpose was in misleading you for 55 years?
                actually she misled me for 50 years. she was ashamed for cheating on her husband.....my "dad" was in the army and was always gone on long tours. (thinking back to when i was really young, my mom would always have strange men over to the house) so i can understand why she didn't tell me.

                the sad part for me is that i was raised in an abusive home. i grew up with 2 sisters and 4 brothers (just by looking at them, you couldn't tell that they are all related) my mom used to beat us with hot wheels race tracks, metal coat hangers and what ever she could get her hands on....my "dad" had a really bad temper. he would beat all of us for no reason, i think he must have really hated me, because i got punched in the head quite a few times. (he had a special hatred for me). growing up i didn't know that this was wrong, i thought all kids got beat like we did.

                i have to admit that i have a bad temper, but growing older has calm me down a lot. i never have done drugs or alcohol, and i have have a really good job.

                sometimes i wonder how life would have been if i was raised by my real father

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                • #9
                  Why adults have to treat children like that when there's divorce I'll never understand.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by bert1913 View Post
                    actually she misled me for 50 years. she was ashamed for cheating on her husband.....my "dad" was in the army and was always gone on long tours. (thinking back to when i was really young, my mom would always have strange men over to the house) so i can understand why she didn't tell me.

                    the sad part for me is that i was raised in an abusive home. i grew up with 2 sisters and 4 brothers (just by looking at them, you couldn't tell that they are all related) my mom used to beat us with hot wheels race tracks, metal coat hangers and what ever she could get her hands on....my "dad" had a really bad temper. he would beat all of us for no reason, i think he must have really hated me, because i got punched in the head quite a few times. (he had a special hatred for me). growing up i didn't know that this was wrong, i thought all kids got beat like we did.

                    i have to admit that i have a bad temper, but growing older has calm me down a lot. i never have done drugs or alcohol, and i have have a really good job.

                    sometimes i wonder how life would have been if i was raised by my real father
                    It is something you will never know but just be thankful that although you probably had the parents from hell your genetics and will power were strong enough to come through it all and realize it was not an acceptable way to behave. Perhaps without knowing your father could sense these were not his children and maybe your mother was a restless spirit for whom one man was not enough did she ever tell you what her life was like growing up? Perhaps she was just repeating a known pattern or had a traumatic childhood.

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