Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Match didn't respond

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Match didn't respond

    Here's a frustrating situation My husband got a perfect 25 marker match, e-mailed the fellow and it has been over a week and we have not heard back from him. My husband does not know his paternal grandfather's surname, so we were thrilled to find a perfect match that could possibly lead us to more information. He had a number of 12 marker matches and when he first upgraded to 25, there were no perfect matches, but a number of 1- and 2- step matches whom he has been in contact with. But last week he was notified of the new perfect match; this is so maddening- to have found a match and not be able to get in touch. sigh.
    Judy
    Last edited by Judy; 29 April 2006, 12:24 PM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Judy
    Here's a frustrating situation My husband got a perfect 25 marker match, e-mailed the fellow and it has been over a week and we have not heard back from him. My husband does not know his paternal grandfather's surname, so we were thrilled to find a perfect match that could possibly lead us to more information. He had a number of 12 marker matches and when he first upgraded to 25, there were no perfect matches, but a number of 1- and 2- step matches whom he has been in contact with. But last week he was notified of the new perfect match; this is so maddening- to have found a match and not be able to get in touch. sigh.
    Judy
    Same surname? But then you said your husband doesn't know his paternal grandfather's surname. Was your husband's father orphaned or adopted and his surname changed?

    That has got to be frustrating.

    Can you find the man in Y-Search? Maybe he has a pedigree there you can see.
    Last edited by Stevo; 29 April 2006, 12:27 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes Stevo, my husband's grandfather was orphaned. He was from the Ukraine. His mother died in childbirth (to him) and about ten years later when his father died, he was sent to the US to live with a family in Newark NJ. When he ran out of the money he was sent with, the family kicked him out. He used the surname Simon in the US; we know it was not his surname in the Ukraine. The surname my husband matched was Desman. We are getting creative here, noticing that S,M, and N are in both names, and wondering if Desman was morphed to Simon. Mr Desman did not upload to Y-search, so we have no more information about him. We are hoping that in time he will answer the e-mail. We have googled him but nobody with his full name turns up. Maybe he is not a regular internet user.
      Judy

      Comment


      • #4
        Judy,

        Have you tried to look up Mr. Desman's address and phone number? http://www.whitepages.com shows only 26 listings in the U.S. with the surname Desman. If you don't find him listed there, send me a private message with his full name and I'll look him up in another database for you.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Judy
          Here's a frustrating situation My husband got a perfect 25 marker match, e-mailed the fellow and it has been over a week and we have not heard back from him. My husband does not know his paternal grandfather's surname, so we were thrilled to find a perfect match that could possibly lead us to more information. He had a number of 12 marker matches and when he first upgraded to 25, there were no perfect matches, but a number of 1- and 2- step matches whom he has been in contact with. But last week he was notified of the new perfect match; this is so maddening- to have found a match and not be able to get in touch. sigh.
          Judy

          no where is it written a person has to respond to you
          they can if they want maybe they dont care anymore maybe they have tons of emails on this
          maybe the person isnt the person who paid for the test
          maybe they have a life besides this

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by efriedman
            Judy,

            Have you tried to look up Mr. Desman's address and phone number? http://www.whitepages.com shows only 26 listings in the U.S. with the surname Desman. If you don't find him listed there, send me a private message with his full name and I'll look him up in another database for you.

            you dont think maybe some one might take that as stalking?

            Comment


            • #7
              A week isn't really that long. Maybe the guy is on vacation or travelling for work, or doesn't get in the internet very often. Give it some time. Maybe after a few weeks, try emailing again. Is it possible he changed ISPs?

              If so, I've looked up people on publics records before via ancestry.com to get an address. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It's publicly available information anyway. I just see it as another means of contact, because you never know if this guy's email changed. Can you tell how long ago he was tested? Some databases give the date.

              I don't think it would be considered stalking unless the guy tells you he doesn't want any contact with you, and you continue to do so. But I do agree with Jim that not everyone is as interested in this stuff as we are, and we tend to get impatient.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Jim Denning
                you dont think maybe some one might take that as stalking?
                Hopefully not. I look up people in whitepages and other databases and call them to further my genealogy research all the time. Just because someone isn't on the internet doesn't mean they're unreachable or uninterested. I certainly don't blame Judy for being anxious about receiving a response -- sounds like she has a great lead to possibly finding out more about her husband's recent ancestry!

                That said, I do agree that Judy should wait a little while longer to see if she gets a response via email before attempting other means of contact. This person could be on vacation or he could just be busy with other things. Still, I'll be glad to look up the info if she needs me to.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Jim, I am considerate of people's privacy when I contact potential family members; I allow for the possibility they don't want to be found. I don't do "cold calls." I send a letter by snail mail explaining who I am and what I am researching, how I found their address, and I ask them to contact me if they are interested. I give them my snail mail address, phone # and e-mail address. It has worked well for me so far.
                  Judy

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Paul_Sheats
                    If so, I've looked up people on publics records before via ancestry.com to get an address. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It's publicly available information anyway. I just see it as another means of contact, because you never know if this guy's email changed. Can you tell how long ago he was tested? Some databases give the date.
                    Paul, I could not find him on ancestry.com.

                    He must have been tested recently because we didn't get his name with the set of matches that came back from FTDNA a month after my husband got tested. FTDNA notified us of this match weeks after the first group of (near) matches came back. So I assume Mr Desman was tested within the last 6 weeks or so.
                    Judy

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Judy,
                      Please forgive me but my search has identical elements to yours and similar geograhphic locations .. ie. Ukraine, L.I., New York (where my uncle lived)
                      Since you didn't post any actual Y-DNA data..would you mind checking Ysearch (my ID there is S83DR) or my website at http://wcscott.net. There are charts of y-DNA at http://wcscott.net/SalineDNA/index.html
                      I am an N3a haplogroup which is relatively unusual and almost certainly means my grandfather and/or my male lineage leads back to Finland or the Eastern Baltic region.
                      My search is 'brick-walled at my paternal grandfather in Bufflalo/Niagara Falls, New York. If perchance you are looking in this area as well, please contanct me off list if you'd like.
                      ChrisS
                      Last edited by ChrisS; 30 April 2006, 11:25 AM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        No problem, Chris. I should have posted at least my husband's haplogroup- it is E3b so it doesn't look like your N3a is related in a genealogical time frame. We never give up hoping for that match
                        Judy

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Good luck Judy.

                          I have a 12/12 match with the same surname..we made contact through email. He got all my information and then told me he knew nothing of his family. He wouldn't even tell me where in the world he is. not even a grandfather's name or nothing.

                          Only that he has an uncle that he has to ask for information for me. which never came. I had a bunch of emails just asking me my information. He side-stepped any of his own information.
                          Last edited by M.O'Connor; 2 May 2006, 01:52 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Interesting, and frustrating. Maybe he is paranoid, or maybe he has something to hide. But why would he have gotten tested then? Maybe he was curious and then had a change of heart. Or maybe he had an ulterior motive. Or maybe he is merely very disorganized and needs a reminder. Here's one I hate to think of- maybe he is incapacitated or he died. I hope you will hear from him. How long have you been waiting?
                            Judy

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I gave up asking about his family after about a dozen emails replies from him. He didn't want to talk about his ancestors only mine, so I eventually told him i had no other information and i wouldn't be bothering him anymore.

                              my search continues....

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X