Afraid to test

[prairielad]

.......

3)Upload kits to Gedmatch and set to Research, which does not show them on others lists but allows you to compare with your kit(s) and run admixtures.

Auslander, Just to clarify on how to set kit to Research at Gedmatch, after you upload kit you go to EDIT or DELETE your DNA resource profiles. > select kit > edit > set to Research

[K. L. Adams]

What made me cringe is that someone who tells us in the first sentence that he's a stem cell and reproductive biologist does not realize that DNA testing has the potential to reveal hidden family secrets. Also, anyone who's tested at 23andMe knows about the multiple hoops that they force people to jump through before you can participate in the DNA Relatives feature. (The author wrote, "23andMe's way of protecting people is by giving users the chance to click that box to opt into the relative finder program. I think they're trying to protect people from themselves... He [the father] logged into his account, and Thomas [the half brother] wasn't showing up at all. I was so confused. We figured out that at the very bottom of your profile, there's a little box that says 'check this box if you want to see close family members in this search program.' Dad checked it, and Thomas' name appeared in his list. 23andMe said dad was 50 percent related with Thomas and that he was a predicted son.") That's the feature that revealed that the father had a child before he married. But the author of this article, with fair warning from 23andMe about potentially revealing family secrets, opted into DNA Relatives on his father's behalf.

Maybe the biggest cringe factor in this article is that the author believes it's 23andMe's fault that his parents divorced. The author was not told by 23andMe to reach out to his half brother but did. Then he informed his father about this "close relative" and asked him to click on "show close relatives." His father wanted to meet his son, whom he conceived before he married, and his wife objected, enough to divorce him. It sounds like this marriage had troubles before 23andMe came into the picture.

The lesson here is that you should investigate all the pros and cons before you embark on DNA testing or anything that has the possibility of upsetting others. Maybe the author knows his way around a biology lab, but he's clueless when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

I agree with your comment.

As a son and as a grown man, my overall objective would have been to protect family members. I would have had the maturity to talk to my father in privacy verses talking to my sister and others first.

This just proves you cannot fix stupid. I doubt a therapist can fix what is really wrong with this phd guy.

[Darren]

I just wanted to remind everyone to please keep it civil.

-Darren
Family Tree DNA

[PeBe]

I doubt a therapist can fix what is really wrong with this phd guy.

I am not sure if our "educated scientist" is to blame for the divorce of his parents. Sure, he gave them this DNA test as a present but both parents were old enough to know the implication and deal with it. I would say it was his mother leaving his father because she got jealous and could not handle the fact that her husband betrayed her once upon a time, this sounds much more probable then implying it was the husband leaving her or solely blaming the son for giving them this present in the first place.

But this is the story written. The case of Auslander here is a different story, he wants his cousins to do the test without "telling them the real reason I want them to test", he even says "I may want to be anonymous myself" when doing so. In my opinion this is not okay, not only morally but even in a juridical sense. Especially in such sensitive fields one should play with all cards on the table.

Edit: Sure, the truth heals but you have to be truthful yourself, too.

[prairielad]

....

But this is the story written. The case of Auslander here is a different story, he wants his cousins to do the test without "telling them the real reason I want them to test", he even says "I may want to be anonymous myself" when doing so.

IMO this is not okay, not only morally but even in a juridical sense. Especially in such sensitive fields one should play with all cards on the table.

Careful not to put words in someone else mouth and misconstrue statement. There was a LOL behind that statement.

I will also add, to my understanding, this deals with a NPE in OPs line not this 2nd cousin

[PeBe]

Careful not to put words in someone else mouth and misconstrue statement. There was a LOL behind that statement.

He is free to clarify, especially as this is such a sensitive field there should be no obscurity and no ambiguity.