Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

My illegitimate sister wants me to get a DNA test to prove that we're related

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Brunetmj
    replied
    I think a lawyer would advise you to do nothing. It is up to her to prove she has any relationship with your father.

    Leave a comment:


  • Jim Barrett
    replied
    Originally posted by djknox View Post
    Note I think FTDNA has stated in their FAQ their tests aren't appropriate for legal paternity matters. Anyway, if I was in your shoes i'd give her the test... as the truth is always the high road in my book... but that's just me.
    See http://www.genebygene.com/

    Leave a comment:


  • emyr
    replied
    Through DNA testing, my siblings and I were able to confirm the rumors that one sister actually had a different biological father than the one listed on her birth certificate. However, we have not yet been able to identify her correct biological father. Our mother refuses to give details so we have been searching on our own, using the FF test results and asking questions of family, friends, and neighbors.

    My sister is 35 years old. She first heard the rumor when she was 16. She has lived with this uncertainty for quite a while now. I think it helped her to confirm the rumor. The father who raised her passed away several years ago and will always be her "real" father in her heart. However, she would like clsure to this uncertainty. She is not looking for a relationship with her biological father or his family, but she would like to have some idea of her roots and medical history. I have been amazed at the openness of the people we have contacted. People who are children and/or siblings of men who my mother knew back during the time of my sister's conception have volunteered to take a dna test. In most cases, the men themselves have already passed away.

    When I started this search for my sister, I expected more people to be afraid of the issues that you have raised here in your post, but so far I have not found that reaction. Perhaps because as I said these men have passed away. We have not yet done any additional dna testing because we have not yet found a candidate that was in the right location, knew my mother, and seems to have a connection to her dna matches. In my sister's case, she has a fairly strong group of matches that point to a specific ancestor on her father's side.

    In this process, I have thought about how I would feel if someone called me up asking questions about my own father and possible paternity. I imagine it is a difficult position to be in. In my case, I would want to know the truth and would go forward with the testing. However, it is a very personal decision and each person must find their own answers.

    In regards to your father's age and health and concerns about how tough this might be for him, I understand and have compassion for him. But I know also how my sister feels. It is not easy living with this uncertainty and your potential sister did not create this situation. Your father and her mother potentially did. While I can understand that your father might not want a relationship with her, in my opinion, providing closure for her would be the least he could do.
    Just my opinion though and as I said, each person has to make their own decisions and live with them.

    Best of luck and hope you find some peace with this. I know this is not an easy situation at all.

    Leave a comment:


  • mixedkid
    replied
    Just my opinion

    Originally posted by twang View Post
    I just found out about her about six months ago. My dad never told us about her. He had kept her a secret for about forty years. Here's the question; can she sue my father for an inheritance or even the child support that he never paid? He's ill. He may not live much longer. I wouldn't mind a DNA test. I just don't want her hassling our father in his old age. He and my stepmother have said they don't want to see her. We're both in our 40s. Our father is in his early 80s.
    1. Talk to a knowledgeable attorney first.

    2. You take the DNA test, not your father. If it shows that you are siblings or half-siblings, both of you might be satisfied with that for the time being. That takes pressure off of your dad and step-mom but also opens the door for you to establish a future positive family relationship with your possible sibling. Your dad does not seem strong enough (emotionally or physically) to be put through what he might consider to be harassment or digging up past wrong doings on his part. Your possible new sister should understand that.

    3. If your step-mom survives your dad, I see no need to worry about this new sibling attempting to claim part of the estate. Your step-mom is your dad's closest relative anyway (in the eyes of the law). If he has a will made up leaving everything to her, that ends the problem right then and there. He has no obligation, whatsoever, to leave any of his children part of his estate -- either the children he recognizes as his own or this possible new daughter of his.

    DNA tests are wonderful things if used properly. Your new sister should not feel she has the right to force your dad to do anything, but I definitely can see you taking the test, just to take some emotional pressure off of her. The truth of the matter is, the test might prove that you are not closely related to her. She could come back and say, however, that she is the actual child of your dad and that your own paternity is in question. I tend to think though that if the two of you are related, both of you should really know for sure, right now, for your own sakes. Once you take the test, your dad might feel more free to take one himself. Good luck to all of you.
    Last edited by mixedkid; 17 November 2012, 01:58 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • EdwardRHill
    replied
    Lawyer is who I would ask. Maybe let him deal with her. He probably could get something in writing saying she is only interested in knowing who the father is and wants nothing else.

    Leave a comment:


  • MFWare
    replied
    Originally posted by twang View Post
    I just found out about her about six months ago. My dad never told us about her. He had kept her a secret for about forty years. Here's the question; can she sue my father for an inheritance or even the child support that he never paid? He's ill. He may not live much longer. I wouldn't mind a DNA test. I just don't want her hassling our father in his old age. He and my stepmother have said they don't want to see her. We're both in our 40s. Our father is in his early 80s.
    If your sister wants to hassle your father, then she does not need your help. As for the DNA test, the best test that will prove paternity is a test of your father, not you. Even at that, a DNA test is sufficient to prove paternity, but it is certainly not necessary. The bottomline is that honoring your sister's request will have little bearing on an possible legal action that she may bring. It can, however, bring the two of you closer.

    As for child support payments, there may be statutes of limitations. In my state, a parent is obliged to pay child support until the child reaches the age of majority. If the parent fails to pay, then the parent is liable for up to 10 years. Some states such as California have no statute of limitations on unpaid child support.

    Leave a comment:


  • gtc
    replied
    Originally posted by twang View Post
    I just found out about her about six months ago. My dad never told us about her. He had kept her a secret for about forty years. Here's the question; can she sue my father for an inheritance or even the child support that he never paid? He's ill. He may not live much longer. I wouldn't mind a DNA test. I just don't want her hassling our father in his old age. He and my stepmother have said they don't want to see her. We're both in our 40s. Our father is in his early 80s.
    That's a question best answered by a lawyer who deals with such issues.

    Leave a comment:


  • djknox
    replied
    I think your question is better directed at a leader in your (or your father's) chosen faith... or maybe a lawyer concerning inheritance law. Seems to me like your father needs to sleep in the bed he made however. There is little uncertainty about dna testing to determine paternity or siblingship.

    I suspect a proven paternity would give her rights to inheritance... if you're ok with that, I'd give her her test. If you're not, then well...

    Note I think FTDNA has stated in their FAQ their tests aren't appropriate for legal paternity matters. Anyway, if I was in your shoes i'd give her the test... as the truth is always the high road in my book... but that's just me.

    Leave a comment:


  • macmom6
    replied
    You might try, if it is a viable option, asking her what she is looking for out of the test - simply legitimacy or something more.

    Leave a comment:


  • My illegitimate sister wants me to get a DNA test to prove that we're related

    I just found out about her about six months ago. My dad never told us about her. He had kept her a secret for about forty years. Here's the question; can she sue my father for an inheritance or even the child support that he never paid? He's ill. He may not live much longer. I wouldn't mind a DNA test. I just don't want her hassling our father in his old age. He and my stepmother have said they don't want to see her. We're both in our 40s. Our father is in his early 80s.
Working...
X