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My illegitimate sister wants me to get a DNA test to prove that we're related

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  • #16
    It's always a good idea to consult a lawyer about this kind of thing, and it's a good idea to write a will, but I don't think it's accurate to say that if you die without a will, the state can claim it. That's only true if there are no immediate relatives, and as far as I'm aware that's the way it is throughout the country.

    I'm not totally sure this is current (it's dated 2005), but here's some info on Virginia and intestacy.

    http://www.courts.state.va.us/courts...n_virginia.pdf

    4. WHO INHERITS THE PROPERTY OF AN INTESTATE (Person Dying Without a Will)?
    If a person dies without a will, Virginia law provides a course of descents as follows (after payment of funeral expenses, debts and cost of administration):

    a) all to the surviving spouse, unless there are children (or their descendants) of someone other than the surviving spouse in which case, one-third goes to the surviving spouse and the remaining two-thirds is divided among all children.
    b) if no surviving spouse, all passes to the children and their descendants.
    c) if none, then all goes to the deceased’s father and mother or the survivor.
    d) if none, then all passes to the deceased’s brothers and sisters and their descendants.
    e) (there are further contingent beneficiaries set out in the Virginia statutes.)

    Originally posted by EdwardRHill View Post
    If you don't have a will in Virginia... Virginia can claim it for the state. Probably more states out there that will do that another reason to get a Lawyer.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by NYMark View Post
      It's always a good idea to consult a lawyer about this kind of thing, and it's a good idea to write a will, but I don't think it's accurate to say that if you die without a will, the state can claim it. That's only true if there are no immediate relatives, and as far as I'm aware that's the way it is throughout the country.

      I'm not totally sure this is current (it's dated 2005), but here's some info on Virginia and intestacy.

      http://www.courts.state.va.us/courts...n_virginia.pdf

      4. WHO INHERITS THE PROPERTY OF AN INTESTATE (Person Dying Without a Will)?
      If a person dies without a will, Virginia law provides a course of descents as follows (after payment of funeral expenses, debts and cost of administration):

      a) all to the surviving spouse, unless there are children (or their descendants) of someone other than the surviving spouse in which case, one-third goes to the surviving spouse and the remaining two-thirds is divided among all children.
      b) if no surviving spouse, all passes to the children and their descendants.
      c) if none, then all goes to the deceased’s father and mother or the survivor.
      d) if none, then all passes to the deceased’s brothers and sisters and their descendants.
      e) (there are further contingent beneficiaries set out in the Virginia statutes.)
      well I heard wrong. Maybe you can tell all how you found it so they can try the same in theirs states.

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      • #18
        Just search your state and "intestacy." The word for when someone dies without a will and without traceable heirs and the inheritance passes to the state is "escheat."

        I'm not an estate lawyer. This is not legal advice, and internet research is no substitute for consulting an attorney. Generally though, there's probably a good deal of similarity among the states (Louisiana excepted, since its laws are based on the Napoleonic Code not English Common Law.) Same goes for the general rules about inheritance for children. In the U.S., spouses usually have a claim to a share regardless of the will whereas children do not.

        Originally posted by EdwardRHill View Post
        well I heard wrong. Maybe you can tell all how you found it so they can try the same in theirs states.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by twang View Post
          "My illegitimate sister wants me to get a DNA test to prove that we're related" I just found out about her about six months ago. My dad never told us about her. He had kept her a secret for about forty years. Here's the question; can she sue my father for an inheritance or even the child support that he never paid? He's ill. He may not live much longer. I wouldn't mind a DNA test. I just don't want her hassling our father in his old age. He and my stepmother have said they don't want to see her. We're both in our 40s. Our father is in his early 80s.
          Why not get the test, make her pay for it. Knowing you both are (or are not) siblings won't allow her to take any type of legal action.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Brunetmj View Post
            I think a lawyer would advise you to do nothing. It is up to her to prove she has any relationship with your father.
            What a bunch of creeps. You all are in to DNA because you want to know more about your people and their past. The lady is most likely just the same as you. I am adopted and knew nothing about my mother and father until I was in my mid 40s. I did a search and found my mother and then through DNA found my father's people. I want nothing more than information. To hear you folks I am some kind gold digger. I have received nothing but kindness and help.
            Help her in any way you can. She is your 1/2 sister.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by thormalen View Post
              What a bunch of creeps. You all are in to DNA because you want to know more about your people and their past. The lady is most likely just the same as you. I am adopted and knew nothing about my mother and father until I was in my mid 40s. I did a search and found my mother and then through DNA found my father's people. I want nothing more than information. To hear you folks I am some kind gold digger. I have received nothing but kindness and help.
              Help her in any way you can. She is your 1/2 sister.
              First, thanks for the gratuitous insult to everybody who has responded to the OP's post.

              Second, the OP raised the question of their aged father being potentially "hassled" and asked a specific question, which people have been addressing.

              Third, the OP said "I wouldn't mind a DNA test".

              From reading posts on here over a number of years I would guess that most of us are quite sympathetic to the plight of adoptees trying to find their biological roots. You don't strengthen your own case by ad hominem attacks on others.

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              • #22
                I agree - finding another sister should be great news and I would help her as much as possible... within reason.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by gtc View Post
                  First, thanks for the gratuitous insult to everybody who has responded to the OP's post.

                  Second, the OP raised the question of their aged father being potentially "hassled" and asked a specific question, which people have been addressing.

                  Third, the OP said "I wouldn't mind a DNA test".

                  From reading posts on here over a number of years I would guess that most of us are quite sympathetic to the plight of adoptees trying to find their biological roots. You don't strengthen your own case by ad hominem attacks on others.
                  You are more than welcome! If I had run into someone like you in my search I would still know nothing about my people. As it is I now have a half sister and half brother on my mother's side and can trace my father's people to Scotland in the 1600s. My advice is to treat the woman like the family she is. We are no longer living in the Dark Ages.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by thormalen View Post
                    What a bunch of creeps. ...
                    What you should be doing is apologizing for speaking in generalities and address your concerns with more maturity and with specifics.

                    Not everyone here are "creeps". If you think that way go somewhere else where people aren't the creeps you think they are and enjoy life for a change.

                    I'm adopted. I never said the things other people posted and yet right after my post you said "what a bunch of creeps".

                    You need to apologize and approach solving your problems in a different manner.

                    Matt.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by thormalen View Post
                      You are more than welcome! If I had run into someone like you in my search I would still know nothing about my people. As it is I now have a half sister and half brother on my mother's side and can trace my father's people to Scotland in the 1600s. My advice is to treat the woman like the family she is. We are no longer living in the Dark Ages.
                      Again with the personal insult, and now with an added assumption.

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                      • #26
                        Thank you all for the good advice. I haven't met my new sister in person. I've only talked to her on the phone and corresponded with her via the internet. We only live about ten miles apart. She has said that she would pay for the test. I have told her that I have no doubt that she is my sister. She looks more like my father than I do. It's just that I think she may be up to something. I tried to arrange for her to meet my father but my stepmother would have none of it.

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                        • #27
                          Maybe she is just worried about hearing no. Maybe you should tell her about your concerns and see how that goes than go from there. Good Luck

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                          • #28
                            Indeed. Kinda laughable to be called a creep given that my paternity is unknown, as more than a few here are aware. The comments I made were strictly about the law, correcting some mistaken impressions, and the disclaimers were strictly standard ones. That has nothing to do with my views on the rights of adoptees or others similarly situated. I said from the get-go that legal concerns are quite likely (indeed almost certainly) overblown.

                            Regarding twang's feeling that "she may be up to something", that's a very troubling way of putting it. Outside of the legalities (to reiterate once more, I think they're at worst a minor concern), I would proceed from the assumption that she's motivated by a desire to learn/confirm an important part of her identity, unless and until she demonstrates some ulterior motive. Most of us don't have 'em.

                            Originally posted by mkdexter View Post
                            What you should be doing is apologizing for speaking in generalities and address your concerns with more maturity and with specifics.

                            Not everyone here are "creeps". If you think that way go somewhere else where people aren't the creeps you think they are and enjoy life for a change.

                            I'm adopted. I never said the things other people posted and yet right after my post you said "what a bunch of creeps".

                            You need to apologize and approach solving your problems in a different manner.

                            Matt.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              It's funny how children born in secret, and not acknowledged by their own father, get saddled with being labeled as illegitimate, and scorned, meanwhile the father gets to live happily ever after, no repercussions. We don't treat other immoral bad acts that way. As a society we demand people be accountable for actions that harm others, even when they are old or in bad health. Well, so be it...the OP's father, like mine, will not have to face what they have done and as a society we support his right to do it. I've often fantasized that my half-siblings would someday need a bone marrow transplant or organ...

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Littlest bit View Post
                                It's funny how children born in secret, and not acknowledged by their own father, get saddled with being labeled as illegitimate, and scorned, meanwhile the father gets to live happily ever after, no repercussions. We don't treat other immoral bad acts that way. As a society we demand people be accountable for actions that harm others, even when they are old or in bad health. Well, so be it...the OP's father, like mine, will not have to face what they have done and as a society we support his right to do it. I've often fantasized that my half-siblings would someday need a bone marrow transplant or organ...
                                I only refer to her as illegitimate because that's the way the law describes her. I don't think she is any less than me in any way.

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