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Best way to reach out to potential birth siblings ?

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  • Best way to reach out to potential birth siblings ?

    I have been helping an adoptee use dna to find his family. With a lucky 2nd cousin match and four 3rd-4th cousin matches to the same couple, I think I have identified his possible birth mother. Her info matches the non-id info from the adoption agency. Well, both her and her husband are deceased. But, they had six children. I've found them on social media sites. How do I proceed ? One of them had a query on with an email address. I sent her an email asking for help with family members on her tree, but not saying she might be his sister , as per the adoptees request. Sadly, no response. Now, I am afraid to be rejected by the other siblings. The adoptee has purchased a test in the hopes that one of the six will test. HELP !!! What do we do next ? The siblings are in their 40's and 50's.

  • #2
    Originally posted by canaryislandgirl View Post
    HELP !!! What do we do next ? The siblings are in their 40's and 50's.

    This is the point where you need a Search Angel to help. Search Angels are experts on reaching out to potential family, and they have amazing sucess rates. You do not want to try doing it yourself.


    • #3
      Which Search Angel ?


      Thanks for the advice ! How do I find a search angel with this kind of experience ?


      • #4

        For search angels, I suggest going to SoaringAngels group in Yahoo Groups. They have some very experienced Angels. I think the link is here:

        For those trying to help, understand that this can be very difficult area. We also greatly recommend that the adoptee is the one to make contact first. This is for many reasons.

        Thank you so much for your help CanaryIslandGirl.


        • #5
          You need a different approach

          Your adoptee needs to write to them directly. Here's the approach that worked for me.
          I recently contacted my half sisters by directly writing to them, explaining who I was, where I worked and lived as the reasons why I thought they were my half sisters. I mailed the letter inside a card so they would think it was from a friend. I eventually got a response about 3 months later inviting me to me them for lunch.

          I had previously tried to contact one of them as you did, thru an site where they had a family tree. I was told that they don't bother opening email from that site anymore as they had lost interest.
          This may be the reason you didn't get a reply.


          • #6

            At the age of 73, I located my younger sister and emailed her directly. Although none of our living family knew I existed, this brave lady responded. I now have a large and loving family--2 sisters a brother many nieces, nephews and grand-etc. Sometimes a direct approach works. Maybe it is my 3% Neanderthal.


            • #7
              The other side!

              Four years ago, I was 59 yrs old, I received a short note from a woman in Missouri. She identified her mother and said that her mother had given a son up for adoption 59 years before. She identified the surname of my adoptive family. She asked if I might be her half-brother. Her letter was short and to the point.

              I had known that I was adopted from about the age of 5 years, but I had a good family and did not have an overwhelming urge to locate biological relatives. However, I had given it thought many times but continually hit brick walls. My official state birth certificate lists my adoptive parents as my birth parents.

              I responded to her letter and through FTDNA I have verified our relationship. I have now found that I am the eldest living child of 9. I am very close to my next oldest sibling, a sister, not the sister that located me. My wife and I will soon be moving to Arkansas to be closer to two of my sisters. To date, I have met all of my siblings except for the youngest.

              So the direct approach works, and I am a happy example of that.
              Last edited by JPHutchins; 16 March 2014, 03:10 PM.


              • #8

                Congratulation ! Even-though , I did not share your situation and what people who get adopted passed through , I feel very happy when someone is reunited with his family. When I watch the US show :The locator , I always have tears when I see two people reunited, hugging each other .
                All my respects to all agencies dedicated to reuniting people . Good luck.


                • #9
                  I understand

                  3 years ago I found my bio Mom. I couldn't believe it after 30 yrs I had found her and her adopted parents. I also found out I had two brothers and two sisters I had never met. I found my bio Mom by searching on a website called There was so much info on that website I could hardly believe it. I set up a time with Bio Mom and flew to TX. It was a very emotional experience meeting her and my siblings for the first time. One of my sisters never knew I even existed. My bio Mom was not happy I had found her,she had to tell her husband about me. I'm very glad I found them and have found closure.

                  I would suggest trying to contact them a different way. Some people may not have their email connected to website and may have to log on to check messages. Do you think the siblings know about the adoptee? They may be totally in the dark. The above listed website helped me in finding contact info. Good luck in your search! I hope you find the peace you are looking for!


                  • #10
                    I've been hoping that you'd up date on contacting the possible siblings of the person you're helping. Did anyone take the test, and if so did the results show a relationship. Was there a good result? I worry whenever I read about someone who is going to try and contact an unknown relative because of an adoption.

                    It makes me happy to hear about a good conclusion for someone who was adopted.


                    • #11
                      How do I do it?

                      I met a 4th cousin of mine through 23andme who is an adoptee. She told me the last name of her birth mother as her adopted mother met the birth mother. From there with an unbelievable slew of lucky conincidences, I realized that this adoptee was part of a family I know of through my mother even though she's related to me through my father. Turns out the adoptee's uncle married my mother's aunt.

                      Anyway, I narrowed it down to her mother as being the children of one of two men. One had no daughters in the right age range and the other had two. I had it down to two names. Turns out the adoptee also knew the first name and nickname and they lined up with one of these women.

                      We know the birth mother has passed away and that she has daughters who have a presence on FB. My cousins do not personally know the daughters.

                      I advised the adoptee to find a search angel to help connect her with her half sisters, but she was told to contact them herself. Now she's asking me if I can help.

                      I don't mind helping, but I have no idea how to do this correctly. Help? Anyone?