Disappointed

[Sue Collins]

It's probably just me, but I've been a little disappointed that only one person has contacted me by being on this site. I've tried to contact several people regarding our DNA match and have had very limited success in them answering my e-mail. For people who are supposedly interested in genealogy and building their family tree, I find this quite odd. I had my aunt tested on Ancestry as they had a sale, so I saved $20, and in all honesty, my family tree expanded and grew a bit because we used them. I don't like them because I can't afford to be a full member there and they nickel and dime you to death, but at least it did me some good to have her DNA on there. In fact, we found a new close relative, as my uncle fathered a child in 1969 and this person went to Ancestry also. Boy howdy, that was fun! I thought this would work a little differently than it does, I guess. Just decided to vent a little.

[McBlzr]

I feel your pain. I have spent over $600 here at FTDNA. All I have to show for it is two 3rd cousins on my maternal side and a Y-DNA 37 paternal match that I have been able to correspond with. After 16 years of doing Family Tree Maker with Ancestry & census records I have a really good document tree. But you are right, people here don't seem to be interested in sharing their family trees to link up with distant cousins. I don't get it ??????

[1/2finn]

Don't lose hope. I have only contacted a few matches and most have answered (but not all).

Two were so kind to email me baptismal and marriage certificates back to my 4th great grandparents for 2 of my Finnish ancestors -- this is information I would not have access to here in Canada. This has been a huge help. The people that helped were not particularily close matches, but I had contacted them because of a common name and even though we couldn't find how we were related, these people went above and beyond to help me out.

[Renegade6008]

I'd have to agree with you, Sue. I've transferred raw data from AncestryDNA on two accounts, had YDNA tested for two 67 Marker tests, and added a FF, plus done additional SNP tests, yet I've not had ANYBODY (matches) I've contacted here respond. I've stopped trying to contact others on FTDNA. I've received more help in this forum and on Haplogroup projects than from matches.

I use it as a tool (Chromosome Browser), rather than a collaboration service for my tree.

It's become more of a self discovery journey with the Y dna results. From that, I'm hoping to eventually be able to advance my father's paternal line, as well as my husband's paternal lines. It has been a nice break from the tree research.

[Sue Collins]

However...

I did transfer my raw data to Gedmatch and I have encouraged my relatives who have tested to do likewise. Because of that, I connected with a relative of my "new" cousin, and that paid off nicely. Because of the information this person shared, I was able to connect my cousin up with the other side of his tree, his mom's side. That was very rewarding. So, all in all, doing my DNA has been a lot of fun, and I have gotten my money's worth in entertainment, if nothing else. Thanks for all your input.

[Tourist]

Hi, Sue,

In response to your first post on this thread, it unfortunately often happens that many people who test are not willing to meet and share their test results with anybody. Yes, it seems as though they could and should but the reality is that many people do not. Another thing that happens is that in some cases a person's test might have been taken a long time ago, maybe a very long time ago, such that since then they have become disinterested or might not even remain alive! And so it is OK for a person to inquire but not OK for that person to feel badly because they did not get the response they sought.

[1798]

It's probably just me, but I've been a little disappointed that only one person has contacted me by being on this site. I've tried to contact several people regarding our DNA match and have had very limited success in them answering my e-mail. For people who are supposedly interested in genealogy and building their family tree, I find this quite odd. I had my aunt tested on Ancestry as they had a sale, so I saved $20, and in all honesty, my family tree expanded and grew a bit because we used them. I don't like them because I can't afford to be a full member there and they nickel and dime you to death, but at least it did me some good to have her DNA on there. In fact, we found a new close relative, as my uncle fathered a child in 1969 and this person went to Ancestry also. Boy howdy, that was fun! I thought this would work a little differently than it does, I guess. Just decided to vent a little.

I have more than 900 FF matches here and 1500 at gedmatch. Lots of people have contacted me but I can't super glue them to my family tree. The records in Ireland don't go back far enough to show a link to any of my matches.

[Doublemartini]

I share your disappointment to some extent but when are people going to realise that with current numbers who have tested, matches are going to be something of a lottery. There will be people like 1798 who have many and others that have none, dependent on who has tested, where they are from and their family history, and which tests they have taken. The best course of action is to "evangelise" about testing to increase the numbers. I'm sure the backbone tests will give another boost for many.

[jsarnacki]

I actually removed my tree (again). I have had several people contact me. They are more than happy to ask me questions, have me answer their questions... but DO NOT RECIPROCATE! I am getting fed up with that. Sharing has to be two-way.

Now, I have had success at locating where several matches fit into my tree, but I have had all of that success by viewing THEIR tree. Yay me! NOT from them returning e-mails. But... that isn't fair either. I e-mailed several people at Ancestry to say where we matched and got nothing back. Some were a simple "hi we are cousins" and others were a "hi we are cousins and can you help". No responses to either. Again, very irritating, but grateful that they DID passively share their tree.

I have decided I will not share my tree until someone shows that the conversation/help is going to be two-way. My family and I worked too hard on it to just give it away and not get even an attempt to share back. (Plus- I need to protect living relatives info).

Participating in groups is mostly a waste of my time. That said... I am fortunate to have found my maiden name surname group and that is a great group of people who are working TOGETHER. That is where I am focusing my time for now.

[K. L. Adams]

I actually removed my tree (again). I have had several people contact me. They are more than happy to ask me questions, have me answer their questions... but DO NOT RECIPROCATE! I am getting fed up with that. Sharing has to be two-way.

Now, I have had success at locating where several matches fit into my tree, but I have had all of that success by viewing THEIR tree. Yay me! NOT from them returning e-mails. But... that isn't fair either. I e-mailed several people at Ancestry to say where we matched and got nothing back. Some were a simple "hi we are cousins" and others were a "hi we are cousins and can you help". No responses to either. Again, very irritating, but grateful that they DID passively share their tree.

I have decided I will not share my tree until someone shows that the conversation/help is going to be two-way. My family and I worked too hard on it to just give it away and not get even an attempt to share back. (Plus- I need to protect living relatives info).

Participating in groups is mostly a waste of my time. That said... I am fortunate to have found my maiden name surname group and that is a great group of people who are working TOGETHER. That is where I am focusing my time for now.

I keep my tree private at ancestry.com and I would recommend that all do the same. By making it private the individual has to contact you and you have to send an invite.

I do not send an invite to that individual, unless the individual provides a 5-6 generation pedigree chart or enough information to provide confidence that they are actually related, at least remotely.

[BBA64]

I've got to say the responses to sharing and working together has been a mixed bag. Being adopted, my biological tree remains unknown on the paternal side. I have made significant matches on the maternal side that have been invaluable. That has been quite wonderful.

FTDNA has been the most productive for me. Smaller database, but overall more responsive. Folks here are primarily in it for the genealogy.

23andMe was a great bang for the buck (my first test). But the sharing requires opting in to even see a match, then you must invite (and have your invitation accepted) to do actual genome comparison. A small percentage of my decent matches even bothered to reply. Most invitations just lay ignored (a common complaint). I think most folks are there for the overall guess on their ancestry and perhaps the health reports (when they were offered).

Ancestry.com has (for me) been mostly a bust. My closest match by far has ignored any and all messages (not even a "scram!"). The 2nd closest I already matched elsewhere. The remainder are 4th cousin or more distant. Of course comparing shared segments requires convincing them to offload to gedmatch.com... Another impediment towards progress.

Each has had its set of unique matches, plusses, and minuses. FTDNA has been the most productive overall.

But yes, if you test (especially here), at least respond if your account is active. I've had a couple of invitations declined at 23andMe. Although disappointed, at least there was a reply.

[jsarnacki]

I keep my tree private at ancestry.com and I would recommend that all do the same. By making it private the individual has to contact you and you have to send an invite.

I do not send an invite to that individual, unless the individual provides a 5-6 generation pedigree chart or enough information to provide confidence that they are actually related, at least remotely.

I do keep my trees at Ancestry and MyHeritage private. It is this tree that I removed altogether and I will be much more picky about sharing ANY information. Tired of being used lol