More of a Grumble than a Gripe

[Time Traveler]

My closest autosomal match in FTDNA is a 2nd to 4th cousin who appeared on my list in 2013. I have sent several emails but the individual has not responded. There are only two people with the match's name in Google: one in England and one in Australia. I suspect this may link to my gg-grandmother who came from somewhere in England and her family is unknown.

A couple of days ago I sent another email asking if there was a reason for their not responding. And, today, I received that reason: "Because you are not a match. My matches are 5% Palestinian/Bedouin as attested originally by FTDNA and another site I have used recently to prove to FTDNA that their updated results were wrong. If you think you are a match to that I'm happy to respond more fully and tell you all about my Palestinian grandfather."

I would be happy to hear about the Palestinian grandfather if they would tell me about the other 95% of their ancestry.

[ec1970]

Before I realized that my father was not my biological father, I had his genealogy (every single branch) completely documented out to 14 generations. This was not done with DNA so obviously there are assumptions that there aren't more surprise paternities in preceding generations.

Basically, how much traditional genealogy are people doing before they jump into autosomal DNA?

[Time Traveler]

Well, I just received another email from this match stating that the FTDNA analysis was completely wrong and I was barking up the wrong tree - either that or their Palestinian ancestor did not exist.

I have tried to explain that only 25% of the DNA was derived from this Palestinian ancestor - me thinks a closed mind is the culprit.

[dna]

Did you share your paper trail with your match?

[Time Traveler]

Yes I did share my paper trail. Her last (and final) comment was "please go away." And, I shall. Very disappointed to say the least. I explained in a kindly way that she shared DNA with all of her grandparents. I don't understand her getting hung up over a 5% Middle Eastern figure in her Origins and believing that this makes her Palastinian/Bedoin with nothing else that counts.

[Littlest bit]

What a bummer, sorry to hear of this disappointing experience. I had a similar frustrating experience with a close match that came from my orphan great grandfather's lineage. We had compared surnames and I knew it was along the one I needed and when I explained to her that the match was with my 85 year old grandfather and his dad was an orphan she replied, quote: "I'm only 30 so there's no way we're cousins." I tried to explain how there were different levels of cousins but she had already decided that no 85 year old could be any type of cousin to a 30 year old, case closed. Fortunately, for me, I found an even bigger match from the same lineage who shared her tree with me which put me on the right track. I now have my orphan great grandfather's parentage fully solved thanks to that match, some fortuitous paperwork finds, and some other willing DNA matches.

I hope you also get an even bigger DNA match who is willing to work with you. Good luck!

[Time Traveler]

Thanks Littlest Bit. My close matches are few and far between, as opposed to my hubby who has many. And, she was the only real lead to my 2nd great-grandmother whose family is a mystery. She has a couple of matches in common; I will persue them more closely.

[Time Traveler]

ec1970. I find many people have researched their family tree through paper - but there are obviously those who have not. Mine is proven through sourced documentation. I check all myself. Another frustrating answer I get from matches is "your surnames are not in my tree - end of conversation." It is possible that none of their surnames are in my family tree either given the female surname changes with marriage and other reasons. But I sure do try to research those surnames to see if there is a link.

[Doublemartini]

I've come across a case of someone who was too busy so gave the test to his wife to take for a Y-DNA test. Moral of the story? You have to accept that all manner of people are taking tests (many don't have any family history background knowledge) for lots of different reasons and for some, if the link doesn't the narrative they want, they refuse to accept it. Genealogy has never been easy!

[Time Traveler]

Indeed. And a double martini sounds good at this point.

[Tenn4ever]

I had this happen recently over on Ancestry. (I tested there also a few years ago). I recently got my closest match there.....a 1st - 2nd cousin. She only has back through her g-grandparents but is from the same area that my parents and several generations back. However, the names in her tree are completely unknown to me.

I have an unknown great grandfather (my great grandmother took the name to the grave with her). This is one of the reasons I've done dna testing. First this woman refused to communicate and then she kept sending little one line messages as if she was just teasing. Finally I gave up on her but I was just sick over her not responding.

I've been researching for over forty years and have a well-documented family tree that in some cases goes back several generations to Europe except 1/8th of my family tree is empty.

In a few other cases when I've shared surnames with matches and I've gotten a response like one of the posters above...."Oh, I don't have any of those surnames in my tree."

[Time Traveler]

Tenn4Ever - Thanks for your input. I know we are not alone in our frustrations, and we have no control over others (like the match that snaps up my data on Ancestry but won't give me info on her private tree). We just have to move on and believe that more shall be revealed at some point in time. Good luck in your research.

[Mud Clerk]

Cousins Who Don't Respond

A woman I know gives her first and second cousins ample time to respond. Often, she waits six months or more.

When they refuse to respond she sends them a letter saying she has been renting out her basement to "Uncle Joe" and now it's the first cousin's time to house, feed, and care for their derelict, drunken "Uncle Joe" and his broken whiskey bottles on the basement stairs!

The woman tell the cousin she will be dropping off 'their' Uncle Joe at the first cousin's doorstep whether the cousin is at home or not. She encourages the first cousin to reply asap if they have any questions regarding the matter.

[ec1970]

It would be interesting to know what the average relationship is between two people that you pick at random in the United States. I don't see any 1st or 2nd cousins in FF. The closest is 2nd through 4th. I do have one random line (a mix of great grandmothers/great grandfathers) that in theory goes back to the Mayflower. I suppose if I found a 5th cousin who listed ancestry to this same Mayflower passenger I could see this benefit of reaching out.

[Tenn4ever]

I have lots of 1st and 2nd cousins who have tested with FT and lots who have tested with 23&Me but I either know them all personally or have known of them through other family members. There have been twenty-five (or more) of us who have tested.