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Adoptees Forum This is a forum for adoptees and descendants of adoptees to share their research experiences and exchange information as well as tips. This board is open to customers and visitors.

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  #1  
Old 1st April 2016, 01:10 PM
Sara291 Sara291 is offline
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Well I found something but now what

I tested myself and my son though Ancestry DNA and transferred the data to Family Tree but it isn't processed yet. Also tested my son and my daughter though Family tree but their results are not in yet. My son has a unknown donor father. When I looked at his matches on Ancestry DNA it showed one very close match as a female with the Initials S.W and listed her as "close - 1st cousin" so it has to be a Aunt, neice or Grandmother. I don't think the donor has any nieces or nephews yet but I know has one sister and brother. I searched up the main name for the family tree and she quickly came up on FB and she is friends with someone with the same Initials and she matches the description that I have of his mother however her page is very limited for privacy and I don't feel comfortable contacting them outside of Ancestry DNA. Im just going crazy trying to figure out how this person is connected to my child. I messaged but no response.
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  #2  
Old 1st April 2016, 01:28 PM
auntyheather auntyheather is offline
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Gentle Approach

Tell her how important this information is to you, that you would maybe like some contact for medical or personal reasons.

That you know this person probably has another life that you are not part of and could probably be blown apart by any disclosure but this is something personal to both of you and could you participate in a private conversation no strings attached, somewhere sometime.
Worth a try they will either back out, maybe think about it just leave the doorway open that maybe at sometime contact could be made.

Good luck
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  #3  
Old 1st April 2016, 03:01 PM
Sara291 Sara291 is offline
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The person hasn't responded even though it showed they logged in. I'm fairly sure I know who the person is (searched FB) but I'm not 100% nor would that be a fair way to reach someone. It's just driving me crazy that it shows a close-1st cousin female. It has to be a aunt, neice, first cousin or grandma. Based off what I know I highly doubt it's a niece or cousin. I don't know the donors two siblings have kids yet. It could be his sister so my sons bio aunt or the donors mom so my sons bio grandmother. When I did a FB search it brought up a female in her late 50's/early 60's which would match the age given for he donors mom. (She just had a birthday so there was a lot of age jokes I didn't search that much into it). However most everything is set to private so it doesn't give me much. I know my children's donor father and grandfather own a concrete company and there is a huge one with the same last name as the match but I still can't get any clear connections.
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  #4  
Old 1st April 2016, 05:31 PM
Biblioteque Biblioteque is offline
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How is this person connected to your child?

I do believe this person could possibly be your child's half sibling, which would be another child from the donor father.

Last edited by Biblioteque; 1st April 2016 at 05:33 PM.
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  #5  
Old 10th April 2016, 09:33 PM
BBA64 BBA64 is offline
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Have you also considered the Donor Search Registry?
https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com

Just a thought.

In addition to surnames, also use location as a guide.

Good luck in your quest.
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  #6  
Old 10th April 2016, 09:53 PM
Germanica Germanica is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marietta View Post
How is this person connected to your child?

I do believe this person could possibly be your child's half sibling, which would be another child from the donor father.
I agree - AncestryDNA's relationship calculator is just an estimate to begin with, and half siblings share about the same about that aunts/uncles/nieces/nephews and grandparents/grandchildren share (about 25%). It's entirely possible this woman doesn't know anything more than you do and hasn't responded because she doesn't know how to tell you that and let you down.

Additionally, maybe I'm wrong but usually when the username of the match is just initials, it's being administered by someone else (like you are administering your son's test). Does it says "administered by" next to the initials? If so, you might be talking to the mother of the person who actually matches your son. If no one else is administering her kit, then maybe she does not want to communicate with any DNA matches and that's why she used just her initials instead of a name. Some people who are adopted or don't know a large portion of their heritage just want to see the ethnicity results and not connect with relatives. Unfortunately, AncestryDNA is not the ideal company for that since you can't opt out of matching but maybe they didn't know that at the time, or didn't know other companies offered an opt-out that would have been better.
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