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  #1  
Old 16th February 2018, 06:11 PM
Miamio Miamio is offline
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The failure

I spent a lot of time going thru thousands of matches. A few had surnames in common and places. They have public family trees.Some are private.
Once we get thru the preliminaries,they disapear.Its like”ok,that’s cool,we might be related but I don’t want to know you.I have enough family drama already.How would we confirm our connection 100%.? “
So I give up after I tell them about the chromosome browser and GedMatch.So May people do not bother to,go the next step.It is confusing,but at least listen!
I am jealous of those who hook up with a relative and have those cumbaya
moments.The way these companies advertise on tv,it’s as if they are enticing people to find relatives.....when in reality,the majority do NOT
Want to know you.........smh
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  #2  
Old 16th February 2018, 06:19 PM
The_Contemplator The_Contemplator is offline
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Is it possible that you come off too strong to them? It may help if you ease your way in with them in case they are completely new to genealogy as a whole. I agree that the ads will likely make others think that the answers come easy. Not only that, but if you think about the ads, they won't how others may want to contact you. So maybe they find out that others will contact them after they have their results and are spooked easily after that.
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  #3  
Old 17th February 2018, 03:30 PM
clintonslayton76 clintonslayton76 is offline
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We have an old saying in America that used to be common but now in the age of constant digital communications is increasingly identified with moody drifters: it's none of your business.

You cannot expect everyone who participates in DNA testing to care about the results, and some are dead. Some were sponsored by more interested people who are now dead. Some people don't want to know and never wanted you to know. And many of my members were on the verge of death or senescense (as I approach those even now, after getting slammed by a Chevy Tahoe while riding my bicycle) and did not spend over 20 years as a PC Customer Service person, much less ever feel comfortable with PCs or with an online presence.

I hear your frustration, but see Carpathian's thread in Grumbles and Gripes, called Why Bother? No point in retyping what is there.

Genealogy has never been a money-making pursuit, so attempting to make genetic genealogy accessible (esp that of YDNA) to the interested is a miracle that may succumb any day to the massive other service that is more interested in marketing than genealogy.

It is a tough equation. You have to be very patient and be reconciled to the possibility of no clear connections through DNA, and look to documentation as clues instead of expecting too much of DNA or of "public" family trees. Some were just put together on an afternoon using the "it looks good to me" criteria, and some are the result of 40 years of research, like mine. Guess which ones are in the majority?

Last edited by clintonslayton76; 17th February 2018 at 03:42 PM.
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  #4  
Old 17th February 2018, 09:26 PM
Carpathian Carpathian is offline
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[QUOTE=clintonslayton76;448614]
Quote:
We have an old saying in America that used to be common but now in the age of constant digital communications is increasingly identified with moody drifters: it's none of your business.
I could not agree more with that old saying (having initially stated and offered it myself). But if or when that saying is repeated, and for what purpose, depends upon context involved. If someone says that, while wanting to know more about themselves through their ancestry, then why are they present on any GG website at all? IMO, it is to gain 'free information'. But those who clam up and contribute nothing, deserve to receive nothing in return.
Quote:
You cannot expect everyone who participates in DNA testing to care about the results, and some are dead.
Some were sponsored by more interested people who are now dead.
By now I'm tired of hearing about the old saw about how many subscribers on GG sites are supposedly 'dead'. Tell us what the percentage is of those who are ACTUALLY DEAD. In my experience of being on all GG sites, it is a very small number. Nearly always, some living person is managing the account of the dead person.

Quote:
Some people don't want to know and never wanted you to know.
BINGO! You just hit the nail on the head! Many of the living are also 'dead' in their way of trying or pretending to try to know more. You stated it succinctly. For some, participation in genealogy brings back family memories that might cause discomfort.

Quote:
I hear your frustration, but see Carpathian's thread in Grumbles and Gripes, called Why Bother? No point in retyping what is there.

Quote:
Genealogy has never been a money-making pursuit, so attempting to make genetic genealogy accessible (esp that of YDNA) to the interested is a miracle that may succumb any day to the massive other service that is more interested in marketing than genealogy.


Quote:
It is a tough equation. You have to be very patient and be reconciled to the possibility of no clear connections through DNA, and look to documentation as clues instead of expecting too much of DNA or of "public" family trees. Some were just put together on an afternoon using the "it looks good to me" criteria, and some are the result of 40 years of research, like mine. Guess which ones are in the majority?
Those who want to learn from others are ready to learn, and others will be willing to help them. Those who are not willing to learn, or expect benefit without effort on their part might never learn. No one can change that basic human principle. No one can change them until the time comes in which they are willing to change themselves.
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  #5  
Old 19th February 2018, 02:42 PM
Miamio Miamio is offline
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Really.....why bother?

I read many blogs on “how to get your matches to respond”
There have been some interesting outcomes that I can attribute to the reasons above.
The miseducation of how to do this all is the one I have found the most.
Too much work involved for a lot.
The way it’s publicized makes it sound easy and handed to you.
My favorite is” I saw your tree and don’t recognize any of the names”
( “I will check with my family and get back to you”)
I found a match who has the same ancestral surname,from the same villiage and era.The browsers looked interesting BUT because he could not find anyone else before his grandmother,with that name,he said we weren’t a match.The surname was one we don’t usually see. He disappeared.
Why do people post info and a tree if they don’t understand the continuing process? Like the thread says” Why bother”.??
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  #6  
Old 19th February 2018, 04:41 PM
spruithean spruithean is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miamio View Post
I read many blogs on “how to get your matches to respond”
There have been some interesting outcomes that I can attribute to the reasons above.
The miseducation of how to do this all is the one I have found the most.
Too much work involved for a lot.
The way it’s publicized makes it sound easy and handed to you.
My favorite is” I saw your tree and don’t recognize any of the names”
( “I will check with my family and get back to you”)
I found a match who has the same ancestral surname,from the same villiage and era.The browsers looked interesting BUT because he could not find anyone else before his grandmother,with that name,he said we weren’t a match.The surname was one we don’t usually see. He disappeared.
Why do people post info and a tree if they don’t understand the continuing process? Like the thread says” Why bother”.??
It is true the way these tests are advertised paints an idea of easy genealogical research from there on out. However it is not the case and I have experienced my own frustrations.

The behaviour displayed by your matches is influenced by their own decision and perhaps as you say by their own misunderstanding.

Please be patient with the process. I had my first DNA test in 2008 and only recently began to see some really nice discoveries that I could not have confirmed without DNA testing.

DNA testing is a tool to add to ones genealogical toolbox, and unfortunately it isn't a solution.
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  #7  
Old 5th March 2018, 01:29 AM
genealogy2015 genealogy2015 is offline
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Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miamio View Post
I spent a lot of time going thru thousands of matches. A few had surnames in common and places. They have public family trees.Some are private.
Once we get thru the preliminaries,they disapear.Its like”ok,that’s cool,we might be related but I don’t want to know you.I have enough family drama already.How would we confirm our connection 100%.? “
So I give up after I tell them about the chromosome browser and GedMatch.So May people do not bother to,go the next step.It is confusing,but at least listen!
I am jealous of those who hook up with a relative and have those cumbaya
moments.The way these companies advertise on tv,it’s as if they are enticing people to find relatives.....when in reality,the majority do NOT
Want to know you.........smh
Same problem here! Of all the people that have shown up as a cousin match that I have contacted, a small percentage reply, and of those, we can't figure out how we are related because they have very little to zero knowledge about their surnames. Without the surnames, it's impossible to know if there is a relationship. Frankly, I think that most people take the test to find out about their racial and ancestral make-up rather than to learn about their family tree through connections made here.
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  #8  
Old 5th March 2018, 09:51 AM
dtvmcdonald dtvmcdonald is offline
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I recently tested another cousin. This allowed a better pinpointing of leads to my dead end, using Gedmatch. I collected up 84 such kits and sent, yesterday morning,
an email to them. None of these kits had gedcoms on gedmatch.

As of now I've gotten 25 nice and informational replies. These people have paper data, but its not on Gedmatch.

That's a good fraction. But so far I've found no
confirmable paper trail matches. I've found a few geographical hints however.

After months of searching I've come to the conclusion that to be pretty sure of finding a match one needs full (no dead ends) paper trails going back at least 10 generations. That's based both on statistics and on the fact that I've found confirmed (triangulated) ancestors back 11 generations and possible ones back 14.
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  #9  
Old 5th March 2018, 11:39 AM
Carpathian Carpathian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miamio View Post
I read many blogs on “how to get your matches to respond”
I've tried various approaches, always polite and welcoming, but with some people nothing works.

Quote:
My favorite is” I saw your tree and don’t recognize any of the names”
( “I will check with my family and get back to you”)
At least you are getting responses. Some people don't reply at all. I grew up in a world where when someone writes to you it is common courtesy to at least respond, even if to say "I don't know" or "I'm not interested". Apparently courtesy is no longer common today.

Quote:
I found a match who has the same ancestral surname,from the same villiage and era.The browsers looked interesting BUT because he could not find anyone else before his grandmother,with that name,he said we weren’t a match.The surname was one we don’t usually see. He disappeared.
That's ignorance, and sometimes denial. If the surname and the village are the same it is a virtual certainty that those of the same surname are related, even if distantly.

Quote:
Why do people post info and a tree if they don’t understand the continuing process? Like the thread says” Why bother”.??
I think those who don't respond are deficient in having basic social skills. There can be other unrealized and unstated reasons, such as old family frictions or longstanding feuds that are unknown to the person inquiring. To some it might be a matter of opening old wounds.
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  #10  
Old 5th March 2018, 01:41 PM
hypnotize815 hypnotize815 is offline
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I will just speak from my experience, I understand your frustration. I found a 4th gen cousin for a kit I manage which is my mom's. That person and I shared an e-mail, but the minute I proposed our ancestral stories may not have been accurate as per the DNA results. That person disappeared. Like someone said here, you may come off too strong, but sometimes people aren't actually ready to embrace the uncertainty of it all.
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