one of two 1st Cousins willing to test, male or female better for phasing?

[apologetics42003]

I am adopted, I know the identity of my birth-mother, but not my father yet. My birth mother has two brothers. One of the brothers has a son and daughter, and one or the other 1st Cousins is willing to test with FTDNA. As far as phasing my results, would the female or male be better for phasing to my results. Did I understand correctly that they will only be useful in including matches, but not necessarily excluding them as common?

Ideally, I suppose, it would be even better to have one of my uncle's tested, but I don't know if the relationship has developed enough to ask one of them at this point. The mother and my half-siblings are not helpful at all and would not test.

[JSW]

Because 1st cousins share only a small amount of atDNA with you
you will need all of them you can find and test.
And yes the closer the relationship the better for phasing

[tomcat]

While your mother, and her family, might be disinterested in helping you get info on your bio-dad (who is not a member of their family) are they also disinterested in their own ancestry? How about family traits and susceptibilities to disease (23&Me)?

Your mother is ideal, one or both of her brothers would serve ... especially if you can use their result(s) as leverage to induce your mother to test!

[ajmr1a1]

The autosomal recombination rate is higher in females than males.
So, if you only had a choice between one of the cousins, I would test the male cousin first and then the female cousin.

[apologetics42003]

Thanks for all of your replies. As odd as it sounds, we are 100% certain the birth mother will not test, even if it could help her own family. My bio-grandmother, her mom, is highly interested in genealogy, but she has not been cooperative either, especially after I started contacting the other relatives. Even my half-sister told my 1st cousin yesterday not to speak with me, if you can believe that...and I'm a pretty nice guy with lots of friends. For an otherwise normally functioning and well educated family, they seem to have trouble with interpersonal communication. The cousins aren't listening to them, and are upset they weren't informed about me earlier. I will share your advice about the male cousin testing rather than the female. -Patrick

[tomcat]

You are a family secret revealed and a new factor in family dynamics.

You need an ally within the family, some one who can orient you in that new environment, champion your cause or guide you in negotiating the obvious perils.

Someone senior and/or close to your mother.

[Bertp]

The autosomal recombination rate is higher in females than males.
So, if you only had a choice between one of the cousins, I would test the male cousin first and then the female cousin.

Are you talking about X chromosome inheritance? Is there really any difference between males and females recombination rates in the other chromosomes?

[apologetics42003]

I totally understand about enlisting a champion for my cause from within the family, unfortunately the birth mother and her family don't communicate that well with the rest of the relatives either. Right now I've got a great ally in the 1st Cousin, she is a prime mover that has just developed within the last week, and is bringing on board her brother and another cousin for a total of 3 new cousins to meet me. One or both uncles are not far behind, as are both of their spouses, my aunts. I don't see anything ever changing with the birth-mother, that's just how it is and always will be, as non-logical as it seems.