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X-DNA Advanced Advanced topics about X-Chromosome matching and anthropologic blocks based on SNPs and/or STRs.

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  #21  
Old 16th May 2018, 11:58 PM
Murphy74 Murphy74 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travers View Post
So are you saying your father has 4 brothers and 2 have tested while a child has tested of the 3rd brother (but not that brother himself) with nobody representing the 4th brother?
that is correct. with brother #3, one of his daughters tested as he wouldn't. and she showed as 1st cousin to her.


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The brother you say that hasn't tested has any of his children tested? If not would the brother himself be available to be tested or a child of his (and if so is this child male or female)? I guess I'm just trying to get a grasp on who has tested, who hasn't tested and who might be available to test from all the brothers.
no...he nor anyone in his immediate family have tested (he has a son and daughter) and i don't really know them that well. im not sure how open he would be. i need to talk to brother #1 to see if he has been contacted about this....

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odds would be extremely high that this woman is your half sibling but I understand you want to be 100% and not wanting to test your father at this stage.
at this point i would be very surprised if we are not.....i don't want my parents finding out (especially my mom) and i know digging around may actually cause it to be exposed, but i need to know and i feel my match deserves to know as well.... i have mostly come to terms with what may have happened in the past, but i know my mom never would and with both of them elderly and not in great health...it's the last thing they need.

i feel like im just missing one thing that would peice it all together but im hoping its not my dads dna that i need to get....but if it comes down to it....i will find a way to do that.
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  #22  
Old 17th May 2018, 09:34 AM
travers travers is offline
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I can't think of anyway to confirm other than testing one of the untested brother's family (preferably the brother himself). Obviously the ultimate answer would be from testing your father as you know. If you are not ready for the answer you can test something other than his autosomal such as Y-DNA or something here at FTDNA. That way his DNA is on file when you are ready to test. Or you can test using Family Finder and shut off the matches in the settings so his results are private. Since your potential half-sibling has transferred to FTDNA once your father's Family Finder results are in you can turn on his matches briefly just to see then turn them off to private again (remember to click the save button at the bottom of settings page anytime you make changes). This way only you would know the answer and you can tell who you wish or keep it to yourself until the time is right for you.
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  #23  
Old 17th May 2018, 09:45 AM
travers travers is offline
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I should say too if you really don't want to test your father then see if the untested brother #4 will test and if that's not possible test one of his children (preferably the daughter).
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  #24  
Old 17th May 2018, 11:20 AM
georgian1950 georgian1950 is online now
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No need to do anymore testing. You already have the answer.
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  #25  
Old 17th May 2018, 08:28 PM
Epiphyte Epiphyte is offline
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FTDNA example of half-sisters with shared father

Here is an example of half-sisters with common father, both tested with Family Finder on FTDNA, from my own family:

1683 cM total
longest segment (not on X) 199 cM
44 segments shared
X chromosome: 195.93 cM*****

****You are a "full match" on the X chromosome with the adoptee and I would consider this enough "proof" that you are half-siblings.

You might consider a private chat with your dad. He should probably hear the information from you so that he can tell his story while he is still around to do so. You may be surprised at what he already knows. Your mother may also be aware. Older folks have extensive life experience and sometimes younger people underestimate what they can handle! They could be trying to protect you. I'm sure the adoptee will appreciate your efforts and so will future generations on both sides. Also, consider how stressful it is to be the keeper of this information!

Does the adoptee have non-identifying information from her adoption agency? Sometimes there is quite a bit of information on the biological father in the report, including occupation, physical characteristics, military service, education, birth order in his family, etc. This information would also be useful if your father is against testing.

Best wishes on your journey.
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  #26  
Old 17th May 2018, 08:40 PM
dna dna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Epiphyte View Post
Here is an example of half-sisters with common father, both tested with Family Finder on FTDNA, from my own family:

1683 cM total
longest segment (not on X) 199 cM
44 segments shared
X chromosome: 195.93 cM*****

****You are a "full match" on the X chromosome with the adoptee and I would consider this enough "proof" that you are half-siblings.

You might consider a private chat with your dad. He should probably hear the information from you so that he can tell his story while he is still around to do so. You may be surprised at what he already knows. Your mother may also be aware. Older folks have extensive life experience and sometimes younger people underestimate what they can handle! They could be trying to protect you. I'm sure the adoptee will appreciate your efforts and so will future generations on both sides. Also, consider how stressful it is to be the keeper of this information!

Does the adoptee have non-identifying information from her adoption agency? Sometimes there is quite a bit of information on the biological father in the report, including occupation, physical characteristics, military service, education, birth order in his family, etc. This information would also be useful if your father is against testing.

Best wishes on your journey.
A very good advice.

As I had written elsewhere in the forum, if you do not act, then someone else might incidentally obtain and just publish the same information. So it would be much better for you, and from the considerations you had shown here, it would be probably the best for everybody else involved too, when it is you who starts the action.


Mr. W.
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  #27  
Old 17th May 2018, 10:08 PM
Murphy74 Murphy74 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Epiphyte View Post
Here is an example of half-sisters with common father, both tested with Family Finder on FTDNA, from my own family:

1683 cM total
longest segment (not on X) 199 cM
44 segments shared
X chromosome: 195.93 cM*****

****You are a "full match" on the X chromosome with the adoptee and I would consider this enough "proof" that you are half-siblings.

You might consider a private chat with your dad. He should probably hear the information from you so that he can tell his story while he is still around to do so. You may be surprised at what he already knows. Your mother may also be aware. Older folks have extensive life experience and sometimes younger people underestimate what they can handle! They could be trying to protect you. I'm sure the adoptee will appreciate your efforts and so will future generations on both sides. Also, consider how stressful it is to be the keeper of this information!

Does the adoptee have non-identifying information from her adoption agency? Sometimes there is quite a bit of information on the biological father in the report, including occupation, physical characteristics, military service, education, birth order in his family, etc. This information would also be useful if your father is against testing.

Best wishes on your journey.
her bio mom doesn't know who the father is :-/ it is a very tricky situation...my mom is very fragile mentally. if she is aware there was an "event" all those years ago, i don't believe she, nor my dad are aware of my match's existence. and that could be the final straw that breaks the camels back. i am going to be visiting with them in a couple of months, the first time since finding all of this out...should make for an interesting trip lol.
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  #28  
Old 17th May 2018, 10:19 PM
Murphy74 Murphy74 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dna View Post
A very good advice.

As I had written elsewhere in the forum, if you do not act, then someone else might incidentally obtain and just publish the same information. So it would be much better for you, and from the considerations you had shown here, it would be probably the best for everybody else involved too, when it is you who starts the action.


Mr. W.
yeah i have really been considering that as well. the gossip is already in the mix with the few family members that are in "the loop". im trying to protect my parents and their life together, but also needing answers. and possibly i am being a little selfish as well, as i don't want the consequences of them knowing, possibly involving a separation and/or heartbreak at this stage in their life.
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  #29  
Old 17th May 2018, 10:21 PM
Murphy74 Murphy74 is offline
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i am ever so grateful for all of the advice given to me throughout this thread....i will be going over it again and again and hopefully i'll have some eureka moment and be able to decide on next steps
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  #30  
Old 17th May 2018, 11:36 PM
georgian1950 georgian1950 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vlpenney74 View Post
i am ever so grateful for all of the advice given to me throughout this thread....i will be going over it again and again and hopefully i'll have some eureka moment and be able to decide on next steps
Good luck! I do not recall if you said anything about this, but what does your newly found half-sister want out of all of this?

Jack
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