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Adoptees Forum This is a forum for adoptees and descendants of adoptees to share their research experiences and exchange information as well as tips. This board is open to customers and visitors.

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  #11  
Old 14th May 2018, 05:55 PM
keigh keigh is offline
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Several years ago, I was on another site and this question of what to tell a half sibling was being discussed. I explained how my siblings and I had reached an agreement as to what should be shared with a previously unknown close relative that had found a connection to us using DNA. Our views of the matter have been previously stated.

But there was another person on the other site who explained his not wanting to have to deal with such a situation. He said basically that all he'd be able to tell someone was that they should get down on their knees and thank God that they'd been adopted and hadn't been raised by the bio dad. It seemed that he had no interest in dredging up unpleasant memories and sharing them with someone else. He didn't know how to answer the question "What can you tell me about my father?" without being honest and causing pain.
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Old 15th May 2018, 07:15 AM
Philip Philip is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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thanks to all for repsonding

Thanks to everyone who replied.

I appreciate the feedback. It is an interesting situation when you move from an academic discussion to actually being impacted. You have competing emotions and no clear answer.

I immediately made contact with the half-sib and family and was open to a friendship from the beginning. My personal response to the new family was never in doubt. How to move beyond and share the information with my full siblings has proved to be more perplexing. With genealogy we are taught to be sensitive to how we handle information regarding the living.

While I agree that withholding the information from others might lead to hurt feelings, disclosing the information also leads to hurt feelings. At a purely emotional level I know what I want to do, but my respect of individual privacy is very strong.

The discussion of what makes a family is an interesting topic, the "nurture vs nature" idea....it kinda made me think of this quote from Forest Gump: I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze. But I think maybe it's both. Maybe both are happening at the same time.
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